11 Phrases Progressives Use to Obscure Their Agendas
(1). Big Business: (Also referred to as: Corporate America; Multinationals; Corporate Interests)
When we use any of these words, we automatically sound pie-in-the-sky
liberal. People think, “what’s wrong with that?” After all, they’d like
their own businesses to get “big” and have no negative associations with
the words “corporate” or “multinational” — which actually sound kind of
exciting and worldly.
Instead, try: Unelected Government. This
puts them in their proper context as unelected entities with
unprecedented powers, whose actions have immense impact on our lives,
and which we are powerless to hold accountable.
(2). Entitlements: I keep hearing reporters from
National Public Radio and other liberal news outlets use the word
“entitlements” and it makes me froth at the mouth. They’re not
“entitlements” — which sounds like something a bunch of spoiled, lazy,
undeserving people irrationally think they should get for nothing.
Instead, try: Earned Benefits. This term not only
sounds
better for the progressive cause, it’s also more accurate. Programs
like Social Security, Medicare, and Unemployment are all forms of
insurance that we pay into all of our working lives — via a percentage
of our income — and then collect from when the time comes.
(3). Free Market Capitalism: (Also referred to as: Capitalism, Free Markets, and Supply-Side Economics) Like
“Fascism” and “Communism,” “Free Market Capitalism” is a 20th-century
utopian ideal that has amply been proven an unworkable failure, and
damaging to society.
Instead, try: Socialized Risk, Privatized Profits.
This best describes the dramatically failed experiment in unfettered
capitalism, as practiced in the late 20th century and early aughts.
(4). Government Spending: (
Also referred to as: Taxes, Burden, and Inconvenient)
Conservatives talk about “government spending” like it’s this awful
thing, but the fact is, communities across America benefit from U.S. tax
dollars, especially supposedly anti-government red states, which receive way more federal tax money than they contribute.
Instead, try: Investing in America.
Because, that’s what our federal tax dollars do. They invest in
education and infrastructure that wouldn’t prove profitable for
businesses, but which still benefit society in the long-run.
(5). Gun Control: Yikes! That sounds like you want
to control people, and all those “freedom loving” folks who want to
bully gays and people of color into staying in their place will use that
word against you.
Instead, try: Gun Safety.
It sounds so nice, non-coercive, and reasonable … plus, it’s true. Most
of us aren’t against guns, we just want them used safely.
(6). Illegal Aliens: It’s easy to support draconian
laws against people we refer to by such a scary and impersonal term as
“illegal aliens.” It’s way harder to act against our neighbors, friends,
the families of our children’s classmates, or the nice lady who sells
those plump, fragrant tamales on the corner. Plus … are they really
“illegal?” If
Big Business… Ooops … I mean “Unelected
Government” … didn’t want them here — for their easily-exploited,
low-cost, skilled labor (yes, our neighbors from south of the border do
offer specialized skills for which U.S. agribusiness refuses to fairly compensate) — they’d be gone.
Instead, try: Undocumented Residents. Why not? They already do much of what we officially-recognized U.S. citizens do, plus they’re having more kids than Anglos are. Seems like immigration provides an ideal way for us to avoid the demographics crisis hitting Western Europe and Japan.
(7). Pro-Life: Ugh. They are NOT pro-life. Once a
child takes its first breath, these supposed conservative “pro-lifers”
couldn’t care less about the quality of life for the child or mother.
Let’s call them by their
true name for once.
Instead, try: Anti-Choice.
Because, that’s what they really are about. They don’t care about
“life.” They only seek to deny choices to women. Not just the choice of
whether or not to have a child, but whether a woman can — like a man —
embrace her full sexuality without having to worry about pregnancy, and
whether she can make related choices about her body, her career, and
when to have children, as men always have.
(8). Right-To-Work: Who came up with the phrase “right-to-work” ANYway? It’s total B.S. and doesn’t give you the
right
to do anything, unless you want to reject unions and earn less money
than you would in a pro-union shop. In “right-to-work” states, non-union
workers in union shops can decline paying union dues. Which sounds
fair, but is not, because union shops pay better wages to their
employees, and hence should receive dues accordingly.
Instead, try: Anti-Union:
It’s far more accurate, and — as unions increasingly gain favor — will
make conservatives look bad. Because “right-to-work” really does mean:
Right to choose amongst sucky wages and benefits packages. Several readers have also suggested:
Right-To-Fire (without just cause).
(9). The Environment: When people talk about “the
environment,” they often sound annoyingly self-righteous, as if
lecturing people with dubious hygiene practices. Unfortunately, you
can’t count on people to make environmentally friendly choices —
especially when people are struggling financially and these choices cost
significantly more.
Instead, try: Shared Resources. That
makes way more sense. We may not care about some factory dumping crap
into the ocean, but we dang-well care about our neighbors up the river
not properly maintaining their septic tank.
(10). Welfare: When conservatives talk about
“welfare,” they make it sound like this pit people wallow in forever,
rather than a source of help that’s available when we need it – and that
we pay for through our taxes. The majority of us need help at one time
or another.
Instead, try: Social Safety Net:
When people think of a safety net, they’re more likely to think of a
protection of last-resort, and one that they can instantly bounce out of
like circus acrobats. And if we continue to grow the middle class —
instead of cutting taxes for the rich and allowing companies to pay
sub-living wages — perhaps the latter will be true again.
Special bonus 11th Phrase:
(11). Homophobic: People who oppose equal rights for
gays, lesbians, and gender atypical individuals are not “afraid,” as
the “phobic” suffix implies. They are mean, bigoted @ssholes.
Instead, try: Anti-Gay.
Similar Historic Observation:
“It is one of the saddest spectacles of our time to see a great
democratic movement support a policy which must lead to the destruction
of democracy and which meanwhile can benefit only a minority of the
masses who support it. Yet it is this support from the Left of the
tendencies toward monopoly which make them so irresistible and the
prospects of the future so dark.”
―
Friedrich A. von Hayek,
The Road to Serfdom
