Friday, August 31, 2007

Calling those on the real estate market sidelines

The San Jose Mercury News has heard rumors of a housing crisis. They need a little help. Perhaps some readerrs are feeling the holiday spirit and might help them out:
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Sue McAllister 10:17 AM on Thu, August 30, 2007
I'm looking for a couple of the "not right now, thanks" potential home buyers to talk to about their perspectives on the market. If you are one of these and would be willing to talk to me for help with an article, let me know! You can email me at smcallister@mercurynews.com, or call me at (408) 920-5833. Or - if one of your friends/relatives/work-mates is in this category and you think they might chat with me, send 'em along. Seeking input. Thanks!
----
I don't know where to start.

32 comments:

wagga said...

First, where do I start?

Agent #777 said...

I think I MURST call Sue and let her know it has been difficult to secure financing for some reason, even if I put 5k down (almost 1 %!) of my own money.
I called a company I had talked to before, but it appears the number is disconnected. What was their name again...New Century?

Legion said...

Is she hot?

She's gotta be REAL hot being as stupid as she is...


Sue "So what do you think of the rumors about a housing bubble that is crashing?"

Me "Ooooo, call me Daddy and I'll tell you"

serinitis said...

WaMu hire CFC's Chief Risk Manager

Is this an example of absurdity at its best or a shrewd move to hire a politically connected person?

TK said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TK said...

The misplaced priorities of politicians make me sick to my stomach. When did America become so Un-American?

Akubi said...

I've been somewhat out of the loop lately, so I hope this linky isn't a repost: As the middle class splits into the landed and the landless, real estate remains the metaphor for our own little paradise lost.

TK said...

Perhaps in California, the middle class has split into the landed and landless. In New York City, there is no middle class. Technically I would be UPPER middle class in most parts of the country, but here no. New York is preserved for the very poor and very rich. If circumstances don't propel you into either the former latter, you are forced to leave and endure a punishing commute.

Akubi said...

@tk,
Actually, Marin County (where I live) is worse than Manhattan on that front. The only poor people I'm aware of are adults living with their parents and illegal aliens so perhaps that skews the stats...

Ogg the Caveman said...

@ Serinitis:

Well, he has done a heckofa job.

wagga said...

And Now for Something Completely Different!

The move is a sign the big banks intend to muscle in on the territory of non-bank lenders who are suffering amid the financial market maelstrom.

wagga said...

Some more completely different:

Michael Jackson has died.

Legion said...

"Hello, my name is Michael Jackson. No, not that Michael Jackson, but I am on a world tour. My tour is in pursuit of exceptional beer. "


Tour is for pursuit of exceptional beer? Geez, get a freakin life already...no pun intended...

Hey everybody, I'm going on tour myself, in search of exceptional pussy...keeeerist.

Akubi said...

Live first, write later.

Legion said...

Ok people I just spent the day over at www.prosper.com cuz, well shit it's a regular hootenanny over there with more people asking strangers to bail them out of their stupidness. Anyways, I've noticed that there are some key things to do in order to get a bunch of bids or your begathon

1) Put a picture of a good looking chick at the front (it may be your daughter, a neighbor, or even a picture from the internet) who gives a shit, it gets eyeballs.

DONT place a picture of your actual self bent over a fridge with the crack of your ass hanging out as you grab your next beer.

2) Dress up in fatigues to give the hint that you are a war veteran, even if the last war you were involved in was your great great grandfather in the civil war.

DONT wear a 1000 dollar suit with a rolex.

3) Always use a medical emergency for the cause of your money problems (not only will the marks feel sorry for you, but it also means that you are not at fault)

DONT say something stupid like you broke your dick jacking off...

4) Claim divorce as well...see above.

DONT say you beat the shit outta your wife and kids and had to go to jail.

5) Put pictures of kids that look real hungry or desperatem even if you don't have any kids.

DONT put a bunch of playstation 3 playing tubs of lard in designer clothing looking like they could go without food for months at a time.

6) Put a picture of a puppy or kitten that looks underfed on there too, even if you brought your last two pets to the pound because they grew up and weren't cute anymore.

DONT put a picture of your three horses, that just shows you have too much money.

7) Always claim that you are an honest hard working person that just needs a little help to get out of your mess, even if you spent all the money on hookers, liquor and drugs.

DONT claim that you are a welfare collecting lazy ass who cheered when you heard that they were gonna bail you out of your 500K mortgage, despite the fact that...welll..you are on welfare.

8) Always write in your own endorsements depicting how you have known the "beggar" for years and how you are going to make a bid real fast since it is easy money...even though the bids shows zero.

DONT leave it up to actual friends who know what a dipshit you are.

9) Always write down that you make less than 2 thousand a month and how most of your bills goes to insurance, kids education fund, food, and shelter.

DONT write that you and your SO combined make over 100K annually, have a positive cash flow of 2K a month, spend 1000 a month on a car lease, and another 1000 for entertainment, and are now asking for a loan of 2500 to be repaid over three years.

Akubi said...

@Legion,
Funny. Particularly enjoyed:

DONT put a bunch of playstation 3 playing tubs of lard in designer clothing looking like they could go without food for months at a time.

Legion said...

@Akubi

Thanks, I thought it was along the lines of the FB bailout, and shit on a stick if I haven't seen more sob stories and bullshit in my entire life. Some of them haven't calculated correctly though and it shows them with 1K per month after ALL expenses, yet they are asking for a 2000 loan?!!?!? WTF?!?! Save for two months dumbass!!!

Legion said...

http://www.prosper.com/lend/listing.aspx?listingID=195644

Purpose of loan:
I will be using this loan to consolidate two credit card balances in to one monthly payment at a lower interest rate, enabling me to pay off my debts faster.

My financial situation:
I work for an established and reputable company, BEA Systems, Inc. I have a secure position in my department, with excellent pay. I am currently being trained for the next level on my career path and expect to receive another pay increase within 3 - 6 months. I make my payments on time, never failing to pay off a debt. I have already paid off my car and eliminated $7,000 worth of debt within the last 12 months.

Credit cards for consolidation:
Chase $7,455 at 29.99%
Washington Mutual $2,260 at 29.09%

Monthly net income: $ 3,880

Monthly expenses: $ 3,258
Housing: $ 1,993
Insurance: $ 90
Car expenses: $
Utilities: $ 50
Phone, cable, internet: $ 75
Food, entertainment: $ 150
Clothing, household expenses $ 100
Credit cards and other loans: $ 800
Other expenses: $



Ok, those are some high cc rates for someone who always pays on time. As for her monthly income being 3880 and her mortgage being 1993...WTF?!?!?! Credit cards and 'other' expenses are 800 dollars a month on credit card totals of 10000?!?!??

Sounds like one of those california flippers to me.
If she had pasted some of akubi's porn pics as her pic I maight have thrown her a few.

TK said...

Waitafreakinminute...

I'm looking at this site. Am I right that these motherfuckers will pay me 20% on the dollar for me to bail them out?

Wait where's the catch? Ohhhhhh you mean I might be lending my money to the next Casey.

I guess in theory this is the microloan applied to an ordinary macro situation. Frankly I'd rather help some HOnduran family buy a candy store for $250 than help another serial borrower.

So this chick cracks me up:

-D Credit Grade
-Sporting minimum wage attire to project employed status

Here's her description (I've added some bolds for red flagification):

(needs $15,000)

Hello everyone, I am back for my second loan. If you do some research on my Prosper account, you will notice that my last loan was for $8,000 and I paid the loan off in 4-5 months. I think the interest rate was somewhere around 21%-23%. This time, I need slightly more than $8,000 I am asking for $15,000. (When does nearly twice as much qualify as SLIGHTLY more?)

You will notice that my credit rating falls under the “D” category, the reason I think that is, is due to my 3 outstanding credit cards that I have yet to pay off.(I think? I'll have to look into it...) You may ask yourself: How can she pay off a $15,000 loan in 3 years if she can’t pay off her recent debt, which is only about $6,000.

My business(s) that have recently been started have yet to pick up which will in a few months.
(ah new business(es) in a tanking economy.) I am still working a full-time job, still a student, and in addition to those, I do in-home parties for women as a consultant for a reputable company and as well, just joining into another very well known reputable in-home party/marketing company, which part of the loan will go to that. If you have any questions, I will be happy to answer them.

The loan will also go towards a new used vehicle (something bigger), pay off the credit card debt and paying for this coming semester of college plus books.






How is she going to pay this back again? Oh right with her "new business(s)" which will definitely be picking up in the coming months.

Fucked lender alert.

Legion said...

@TK

Lol, I've been checking out the site for the last two hours myself. I think I'm on like page 25 out of 48.
Anyways, it really does help the mind to go thru the spiel and try to find the inaccuracies and red alerts that tell me that someone is full of shit.

These two are in a world of hurt..jumping into real estate investing NOW?!?!?

http://www.prosper.com/lend/listing.aspx?listingID=193414

"We have $30K coming to us from a land deal, $100K coming to us from a wholesaling deal and about $40K coming in sales commissions. Repaying the loan would be our first priority. We would then be in a position to continue with wholesaling properties while paying off debt and going through credit repair."

Oboy, looks like somebody just went into a learning annex seminar...

Some people even have the gall to just say they want money to spend on themselves, or go on a nice vacation.
Hey, you want to do that stuff? Who doesn't? Get another job.

Legion said...

Purpose of loan:
To fund the legal fees necessary to establish my approved Corporate Line of Credit
My financial situation:
Despite my presently meager military retirement income, I come from a professional background as Senior Business Analyst with an MBA degree. I am leveraging my MBA knowledge to start a family business in real estate investment, and it is well underway. I have successfully transacted two real estate investments that will both close before the end of September, netting my business well over $300,000, and enabling me to repay this loan in 90 days or less. I have identified over 140 candidate properties that, when acquired, will CONSERVATIVELY earn my business over $100,000 EACH, NET PROFIT within six months to one year. I have already sought, and have been approved for, up to a $5.0 million Corporate Line of Credit for my business. My approval quoted fees of $82,500 to establish the Corporate Line of Credit, which works out to $16,500 per $1.0 million. Since my credit is presently less than ideal (before I lost my Senior Business Analyst position, my credit midscore hovered at over 690), I am unable to ask for the full $82,500, but I can still fund a $1.0 million Corporate Line of Credit initially with the amount I am seeking. Later, I can work directly with my lender later to increase the amount as required. If this loan is disapproved, I’ll be forced to wait until the end of September, when the two deals I described earlier close and fund. This loan will reduce my startup-to-fully operational time by a full month.

Monthly net income: $ 1,658

Monthly expenses: $ 1,600 (it’s not as bad as it looks – my family is helping)
Housing: $ 0 (both homes have been sold; staying with family)
Insurance: $ 300
Car expenses: $ 0 (family helping)
Utilities: $ 0
Phone, cable, internet: $ 200
Food, entertainment: $ 0 (family helping)
Clothing, household expenses $ 0
Credit cards and other loans: $ 1100
Other expenses: $ 0




Goddamit! To go from 1648 a month to 14 million dollars in one year by real estate investing?!?!!?! This guy is more delusional than Casey.

TK said...

OMG.

I want to throw that guy a buck. And the first couple there are being contacted by Chris Record as we speak. Hell they could be the missing "Casey Commission" deal that's dying to be closed. So they look at their financial situation and said

"Hmmmmm, our finances actually kinda suck. Let's go into the worst possible line of work to be in right now!"

These are the same folks that in October of '29 were screaming "Dow Jones 400!!"

Or on October 18, 1987 yelling "Dow Jones 3000!"

Buying dot coms in 2000.

Screaming Enron to the mooooooooon at $90.

You get the idea. I can't believe how stupid people are. And I'm equally irked that they want others to take all the risk.

Hey if you got all this money coming from "wholesaling deals" then hang in there for a couple months on credit...

Ohhhh, you're maxed out? So sorry.

Legion said...

"Purpose of loan:
After two years of unemployment and finally finding a job, we need a vacation!!"



Ummm, weren't you on a vacation for two years?

TK said...

Listen Legion,

Unemployment is hard. IE it is hard to remain unemployed for two years.

Incidentally, my wife and I are taking our first vacation in 6 years next week. With our own money!

Imagine.

Legion said...

Hey that's great TK! Where you going? I haven't had a vacation in hmmmm...10 years, not because I couldn't, but I would just spend time at my home playing computer games if I had time off.

Legion said...

I also like the way they pull at the heart strings
"Father died, child is deathly sick, and dog was in an accident"
and then fuck it up with

"But most of the loan will be to pay off my 25K in credit card bills, and update my mortgage on my 800,000K house that I bought with no money down...oh and I make 50K a year"

Legion said...

My financial situation:
Once I have been working and caught up on my expenses, I will be getting my Real Estate License for which I already have a job offer. (I just need to get my License first). At the new job with my real estate license I will be making between $10,000 and $40,000 per month. (Established and proven). My wife currently has two jobs, a full time job at night and a part time job during the day. She will becoming into her busy season starting in September and we just need a little help to get back on track.

Monthly net income: $8,000 to $10,000 total before I got sick. Now about $4000

Monthly expenses: $ 3250.00

Housing: $700.00
Insurance: $350.00
Car expenses: $1200.00 my car and wives car are both in my name
Utilities: $350.00
Phone, cable, internet: $100.00
Food, entertainment: $100.00
Clothing, household expenses $25.00
Credit cards and other loans: $200.00
Other expenses: $
My total monthly expenses are always between $3000. and 3500. a month.



HUH? Shit where do I sign up for some of that great 40K per month income? And they want a loan for 2500?

Rob Dawg said...

My favorite commercial tag line:

"No money, no job, no credit? No problem, come see us when things get better."

approved for, up to a $5.0 million Corporate Line of Credit for my business. My approval quoted fees of $82,500 to establish the Corporate Line of Credit
Scam alert.

Legion said...

Purpose of loan:
I INVESTED IN SEVERAL PROPERTIES DURING THE REAL ESTATE BOOM, HOWEVER WITH THE MARKET SITUATION IM SHORT IN MONEY IN ORDER TO COVER THOSE EXPENSES AND I NEED TO CREATE CASH FLOW.

My financial situation:
ITS STEADY MY INCOME DEPENDS IN CLOSING REAL ESTATE DEALS, IM WORKING WITH SEVERAL CLIENTS ALL THE TIME, BUT WITH THE BANKING SITUATION THE DEALS ARE GETTING DELAY A BIT.

Monthly net income: $ 16000

Monthly expenses: $
Housing: $ 2500
Insurance: $ 400
Car expenses: $ 500
Utilities: $ 300
Phone, cable, internet: $ 154
Food, entertainment: $ 500
Clothing, household expenses $ 200
Credit cards and other loans: $ 700
Other expenses: $ 0




ANOTHER FB.

Legion said...

Don't forget ROB, he has to PAY upfront 80K to get that 5 million in corp credit..it's like Casey all over again multiplied by ten times the stupidity.

Arthur Wankspittle said...

Sorry to hear about Michael Jackson. I enjoyed his TV series on Beers around the world.

Just love some of those loan requests:
My wife currently has two jobs, a full time job at night and a part time job during the day. She will becoming into her busy season starting in September
Too much information?

I'd love to help these people out....

so long as I can have a first charge on their houses.

Legion said...

Just love some of those loan requests:
My wife currently has two jobs, a full time job at night and a part time job during the day. She will becoming into her busy season starting in September
Too much information?






LMAO!!!