Thursday, November 22, 2012

T-Day Humor

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
Incited by my wicked diet.

"We are what we eat," said a wise old man,
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain,
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength that I may not fall,
Into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
That my soul may be polyunsaturated

And show me the light that I may bear witness,
To the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleomargarine I'll never mutter,
For the road to Hell is paved with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in pepperoni,
The Devil himself in each slice of bologna.

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
And Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice,
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
And my war with malted milk balls won,

Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
The virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese.
And crisp-fried chicken from the South,
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth!

Amen

29 comments:

Rob Dawg said...

Several fanciful "First Thanksgiving" histories:
http://www.manataka.org/page269.html

I know the story we were told in second grade was sanitized and written by the survivors but these versions are equally laughable in their perspective.

Rob Dawg said...

Washington's Proclamation: http://www.leaderu.com/humanities/washington-thanksgiving-original.html

TJandTheBear said...

"LET THEM EAT TURKEY". ;-)

Stagflationary Mark said...

Very amusing!

Cobradriver said...

Sorry TJ...I limited the turkey this year to a single small serving.

I did have four large slabs of prime rib though. Prepped by my BIL.

The joy of family working in the restaurant biz on a holiday.

My BIL will serve between 550-600 people today.
The coolest thing was the number
of people who came up to our table and said how great the food was while he sat with us.

I always heard on the other site how rude country club people were...

Chris

BTW,did I mention the food was great!

Rob Dawg said...

Tom Stone wrote on Thu, 11/22/2012 - 4:25 pm
Fisting? Oh well, there are chapters of FFA in SF and Sonoma, but their agendas differ.

But not their methods!

Thomas Stone said...

Dawg, Lurking on HCN? Tsk. BTW I have no one on ignore there, I'm trying to become more tolerant...

Rob Dawg said...

Feh, just woke up from a tryptophan coma and needed to spike my blood pressure. It really has become useless. A dozen fantasy comments about VMT and not one voice of reason daring to pop the bubble with facts and reason.

I recommend the made up histories in the first link above as examples of what happens when you start with a conclusion and fill in the narrative. Notice that none of the three agree with each other except in that the European invasion was a war of genocide.

Rob Dawg said...

Chris,
Were the prime rib kept warm on the headers?

Sounds great.

TJandTheBear said...

VMT?

Rob Dawg said...

VMT, vehicle miles travelled. Apparently young people are "choosing" not to drive. This is a good thing as it portends yet another urban renaissance just like all the other times. Reading HCN was like listening to the public comments portion of a Portland City Council meeting.

Cobradriver said...

The headers are still cold. The last of my parts showed up today. Custom pistons are one nice piece.

I hope to have it up and running for a show on the 15th. My Snap On guy is sponsoring it and he asked me to be there.

BTW, they had a no flour chocolate cake/pie at the club. The damn thing made my eye twitch because it was so rich. Yes,I suffered through seconds...

What the heck...oddball factoid for the day. My local Dominos said yesterday was second only to the Super Bowl for gross revenues. The damn place was buried in work when I picked my pizza up around 7...

Chris

Cobradriver said...

You need some humor? Check out what the guys in Afghanistan get stuck with. The Thanksgiving dinosaur is particularly disturbing...LOL....

http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1393957_Afghanistan_Chowhall_View_of_Thanksgiving.html

The story of the Thanksgiving alligator is pretty hilarious on the second page.

Chris

TJandTheBear said...

"choosing" not to drive

Yeah, that argument has more holes than Swiss cheese. I choose not to drive a Veyron, too.

It's not just the commentariat, though; CR himself seems unusually bullish.

Thomas Stone said...

CR is bullish. The economy seems to have plateaud (I think it's temporary) with some minor improvements. People seek stability and many are feeling reassured because the new "Normal" has been reached. Very much like some older friends I have watched die, the energy level drops, stabilizes for a while, drops again and so on. Unless the basic problems are addressed we are a long way from the bottom.

Son of Brock Landers said...

Of course the different accounts would all say the Euro settling of America was genocide; it's doctrine in academia and on the far left. An historian once said that all nations need an origin myth to survive. I consider the smearing of the pilgrim story in the modern liberal era to be a mortal wound to the health of the USA. Add in tens of millions of immigrants with no tie to that settler myth doesnt help either.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Rob Dawg said...

CR and Krugman suffer the same blind spot. Say I made $144,000 this year but spent $158,000 just to maintain lifestyle and not invest anything. How much did I earn? $144k right? No, $158k using CR/Krugman math.

Rob Dawg said...

Obama is dismantling American Exceptionalism. He bows to foreign powers. He won with "you didn't build that." He's ignored the advantages of a healthy middle class in favor of lowest common denominator. We are disenfranchising the people who are going to return the favor by not stepping up for the greater good.

Son of Brock Landers said...

Correcatmundo Dawg. Problem is it's not just Obama but the entire post-68 Dem platform. It's a small, educated and rich elite using the victim coalition (single moms, minorities, alt lifestylers, public ees who couldnt work in private sector) to get access to the levers of power and the patronage system. My grandfather andparents were Reagan Democrats, but they recoil at the rampant anti-Americanism within the language and antics of the current Dem structure (including the media + academia).

sm_landlord said...

Another group of young people who are broke. Not sure if they get counted much.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324595904578117400943472068.html

Millions Struggle With High College Debt and No Degree

Thomas Stone said...

Son of Brock, I'm an ALT lifestyler in Sonoma County by virtue of being able to think critically. Normal is in Illinois and that's a LOOONG way away.

sk said...

Nice pome. and yeah your ability to follow the data and skewer it is missed in HCN.

Rob Dawg said...

Be sure to compliment black dog on his attempts to keep some rational analysis over there. He's been getting abuse for digging under the headline.

Speaking of which I am calling for this holiday season to be 8.5% above last year. It's not too hard. There are 10% more days this holiday period than last year.

TJandTheBear said...

Already reports that BF was down; whether that's due to GT or gowing online sales remains to be seen.

Rob Dawg said...

I suspect BF was down because of four things. Thursday openings, online, minimal discounting and extended sales dates.

Look for CM to be huge and do not forget there are some 2 million more people employed in some fashion year over year.

When I get back from Wrightwood I will post why I predict +8.5% this season.

Rob Dawg said...

Oh damn my eyes. Peeked in on HCN. The innumeracy and anti science is running wild with no one to counter the parroting of truths we all know. The NYT has an opinion piece illustrated with the Statue of Liberty underwater. Josap is touting the huge increase in Phoenix light rail. It is just an echo chamber filed with twittering children now. All recess all the time with the attendant dysfunctional playground social dynamics.

Eric said...

I stopped reading it because I got frustrated. Then I got busy with "life stuff".

I've looked back *once* since then, and it was the same cesspool as when I left.

Today, I'm cleaing out my "RSS feeds". Into the dustbin it goes.

Rob Dawg said...

There are still a few swimming against the tide. Black dog does some nice digging. Energyecon tries occassionaly. Counterpointer does some fine late night market observation. Thing is anything said gets flooded by no content responses designed to distract or inflame. Usually both.

Noticing lots of dividend corps are paying out in 2012 rather than risk rates next year. Also seeing lots of winning stocks selling off presumably to capture same and possibly pay for the taxes on other positions.

TJandTheBear said...

Thanksgiving bounce should be over; nothing but tax selling for the remainder of the year.