New Paradigm Golf

Bottomless equity traps.

Everything is a long drive.

Doglegs, it's what's for dinner.

Everyone's score is 35% less by the end of the round.

Instead of a "Mulligan" you get a "Sheila."

In a reversal the participants sponsor a bank.

If you play honestly you finish behind all the cheaters.

How Do You Start A Flood?

Huge business fire raging near Florin Mall
By Ryan Lillis - rlillis@sacbee.com
Published 12:58 pm PDT Thursday, June 5, 2008
Sacramento firefighters are battling a massive blaze at a business in south Sacramento.

The three-alarm fire broke out just after 12:30 p.m. in the Nails Depot at 6960 65th Street near Florin Mall, said Capt. Jeff Lynch with the Sacramento Metropolitan Fire District.

Lynch said part of the building's roof collapsed and was unsure whether anyone had been injured. He said firefighters had been on the roof and had scaled back into a defensive mode against the fire.

CRE overhang eliminated.

There once was a Chairman named Ben
Who saved whole markets with only his pen
When asked to name his reward
He said "Oh nothing untoward...
Cash, most preferably Yen."

Give vent in verse. (It couldn't be worse.)

Put Down Your Coffee First

Last night on the ABC7 Eyewitness News out of LA they had election coverage from Las Vegas of the primaries and caucuses. As part of their background reporting they talked to their driver who expressed his support for Obama based upon positions and thought it was wonderful that a fellow black man could be in the White House. Limo driving was actually his third career. Until last summer he had been a mortgage broker in the hot hot Las Vegas market but that all dried up in August. The reporter proceeded to query him as to if he will be voting in the caucus. The driver replied, "Actually I cannot vote owning to a previous felony conviction." :Prior to being a mortgage broker he was a car thief. You can't make this stuff up.

Election of 2024

Dateline 2024 Wash D.C. - President Chelsea managed to get Supreme Court Justices Bill and Hillary to stop squabbling long enough to rule on VP Jenna Bush's Senate tie breaking resolution that the black helicopter be sent back in time to the contested election of 2000 to "set right" the election results. From her frozen bunker in Santa Monica California President Chelsea Clinton-Federline-Swartzennegger said the latest Global Ice Age Scientists insisted the former President, now baseball commissioner, Gore erred in ordering the draining the Great Lakes to make room for ethanol crops back at the start of the century...
The Senate free for all got more out of hand than usual during the "debate" when the plurality Apathy Party tried to introduce an amendment citing that unfortunate incident in 1997 when the Dawg tried to collect evidence of wrongdoing as the actual start of the devastating Global Warming conspiracy whose policies plunged the world into the current Ice Age.

By Populist Demand

So does anyone care yet? The second derivative talking head analysis isn't even amusing. Huckabee has no legs. Clinton and Romney are wounded? GMAFB. They are both marathon campaigners. Clinton/Edwards v Romney/McCain in Nov.

Quote O'Note

Sometimes the hypocrisy just drips off the screen. Put down your coffee before reading further.

I don’t give a rat’s ass about traffic. What I care about is telling the truth as beautifully as possible — saying what we want in the way that we want. If we’re right, we’ll attract people who understand why we’re right. If we’re wrong, we need to learn better. Nothing matters to me more than being right — right ethically, right epistemologically and right in my behavior. BloodhoundBlog was built that way from the beginning, and it will run that way forever. - Greg Swann

Pardon my not providing the linkwhore a link.

Who Needs Chimneys When You've Got Doors?

Enjoy.

It's Only A Flesh Wound

NARRATOR:
In the bleak days of nineteen-eighty-three, as England languished in the doldrums of a ruinous monetarist policy, the good and loyal men of the Permanent Assurance Company-- a once-proud family firm, recently fallen in hard times-- strained under the yoke of their oppressive new corporate management.
Pushed beyond the bounds of decent and reasonable victimisation, the aged retainers take their destiny in their own hands and-- Mutiny!
And so, the Crimson Permanent Assurance was launched upon the high seas of international finance.
There it lay, the prize they sought, the richest jewel in the crown of the I.M.F.: a financial district swollen with multi-nationals, conglomerates, and fat, bloated merchant banks.
Hidden behind the faceless, towering canyons of glass, the world of high finance sat smug and self-satisfied as their future, in the shape of their past, slipped silently through the streets, returning to wreak a terrible revenge.
Adopting, adapting, and improving traditional business practises, the Permanent Assurance puts into motion an audacious and totally unsuspected takeover bid.
And so, heartened by their initial success, the desperate and reasonably violent men of the Permanent Assurance battled on... until, as the sun set slowly in the west, the outstanding return on their bold business venture became apparent: the once-proud financial giants lay in ruins, their assets stripped, their policies in tatters.
PIRATE:
Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen!
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium. Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE: [singing]
Scribble away!
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE: [singing]
And balance the books.
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE: [singing]
Scribble away!
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE: [singing]
But manage the books.
CHORUS:
Up, up, up.
PIRATES: [singing]
It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountancy,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!
It can be manly in insurance.
We'll up your premium semi-annually.
It's all tax deductible.
We're fairly incorruptible,
We're sailing on the wide accountancy!
PIRATE: [singing]
Sail away!
CHORUS: [singing]
Up, up, up...
NARRATOR:
And so, they sailed off into the ledgers of history, one by one, the financial capitals of the world crumbling under the might of their business acumen,... or so it would have been... if certain modern theories concerning the shape of the world had not proved to be... disastrously wrong.

Just Getting Presentable

If We are all going to be out there with a bunch of people swimming naked then it only makes sense to be presentable. Case in point:

Everyone is encouraged to be prepared as the tide goes out.

Epicaricacy

Mozillo under investigation. Casey's 6 month tax delay ran out last week. Naked swimmers everywhere. Homebuilders on their last legs. The IBs tanking. Slightly used BMW M5 (obo/take over payments) anyone?

Ignore Kalifornia At Your Peril

They should call California the "Granola State": what ain't fruits and nuts is flakes. - Gallagher

Our very own "The Scum" with no particulat malice gives voice to a common attitude: Yet another fire destroying overpriced shit boxes in Klownifornia...just like EVERY year. The rest of the country just doesn't give a craptacular shit about a few California fires. You choose to live there you deal with the consequences.

I hope yours and your loved ones are all okay (yes I do have personal empathy even while questioning mob pity seeking).

There are some areas of the country that don't burn up every year. Of course they might not meet your 'lifestyle' needs.

Nothing I haven't heard or possibly said myself for over 30 years. Truth is that Kalifornia is still America writ large. If you want to know where the US is headed look to the tip of the spear.

As to the specific issues; We may have an earthquake and we may have a firestorm but we will have temeperatures averaging 70 degrees for the next 4 months and 90% sunshine. Excuse me now as I check the lawn for any avocados or oranges that may have fallen in the winds last night.

Monday's Score: 1 Forgiven 0 Accused

Double entendre post. The Foreclosure code/Casey/etc legal enjoinder wasn't going in today and surprise no it did not go in today. Even if it goes in tomorrow as scheduled this is government we are talking about and the day before a midweek holiday. The Management and Staff of EN along with the dozens of net montitors, peons, hamsters on wheels and coal shovelers in the boiler rooms apologize for any inconvienience this may cause.

Casey Vis Exurban Nation

This from Wagga:

There is a bit of a dichotomy going on at EN. Some posters want to return to the good old days of urban planning, bubbles, transportation, energy, et al.
Some want all kc all the time. My suggestions for hybrid topics follow.


Hybrid Topics.

Lending Policies:
Building a shelter from expired, maxed-out credit cards.
Keeping warm by burning contracts & other financial instruments.

Transportation:
How many supporterz™ has kc thrown under the bus?
All those in favour of throwing kc in front of the bus.
Why kc doesn't walk to his W2 job.
Why kc doesn't drive to his W2 job.
Why kc doesn't car pool to his W2 job.
Why kc doesn't ride a bike to his W2 job.
Why kc doesn't take public transportation to his W2 job.

Land Use:
Is it legal for G (or CC) to bury kc in the back yard in California?
Is living in a car accepable land use policy?
Petting Zoos: Why do Kangaroos kick murse-carriers?
Why Koala habitat is perfect for fliptards.
Cassowaries can be lethal. Put kc in cassowarry habitat.
Drop Bears & Fairy Shrimp impact land values.

Energy:
Biodiesel from algae. (caused by the sun)
Farming Koi (a type of fish) and food fish in Solar Updraft Towers.
Unopened mail & a fireplace: Keep warm all winter!

Urban Planning:
Striking success of kc attributed to Top Down Planning.

Recycling:
Taking out bins 75% of the time is a huge winwin!

Thanks Wagga. Good stuff.

Good Kitty

Reader submission. Take credit in the comments please.

Anyway it looks to me that rootard is ready to come home. He's burned all the bridges, made all the mistakes, spent all the other peoples' money.



Anybody have a better guess?

Human Branding

While we all wait for this morning's assemblage of verified facts I thought we could help Casey out with his branding scheme. If Casey Serin is going to be a brand He's gonna need a motto and sloagans and stuff. "Serindipittyshit" springs to the fore. "Don't be a Casey" works also. As far as real branding a nice big "Fx8" in the center of his forehead might serve as public notice and a warning. Come on, somebody can surely do better than "In Casey of Foreclosure drink wheatgrass."
N.B. I'll be back in an hour or so hopefully with the next installment ready to go.

Name the Casey Animal Game

My sister lives in Australia. That means we occassionaly drop an earth cycle and call each other at odd hours. "Oh, I thought it was 2 in the afternoon. Sorry." Well anyway I told her about EN and IAFF and of course our own little Snowflake. In her honor this morning's name the Casey Animal Game is limited to Oceana natives only. First off the kangaroo. Kinda cute but get near their built-in murse and they'll turn on you. There's the koala, slow moving story, does the same thing over and over, not very adaptable, sleeps a lot and because of all this an endangered species. Third candidate is the Budgie. Flighty, empty head, poops on everything. You get the drill. Anyway I think I have the game won even before it starts. The Tasmanian Tiger. Small almost weaselike it has a murse pouch and was once thought to be extinct then not, then again. Not much truth is known but the myths are incredible. There are even rumors that they've been bred/ressurected and are being secretly held in an undisclosed location writing a book about the how it was done. Too far fetched anyone?

Rhyme Thyme

Our good friend Wagga makes excellent points. Where's Benoit™ for a start.

Were these rhythms more etched in my brain
You would not be obliged to complain,
But I must post this query
In prose, oh so dreary;
My efforts at lim'ricks were vain.

Yes I quiver, I shiver in fear
Of the erudite mavens who're here.
Will you bloody my nose
If I post this in prose?
If you're nice, I will call you "my dear."

Isaac Asimov, an ardent limericist, once noted that "Tocatta and fugue
in D minor" had an anapestic rhythm, but said he could not come up with
a good limerick featuring it. Has the problem been solved?

Toccata and fugue in D minor?
Bach never wrote anything finer.
It entered his mind
As he cut off the rind
Of the rasher at Uncle Mort's diner.

Tiddy Ogg of quaint name is a dear.
(He posts very often right here.)
He looked not down his nose
At my butt-ugly prose
But he sent me an answer. Oh cheer!

A programming whizz-kid called Bright,
Once got his computer to write
His own Ode ToJoy...
It served to annoy,
His Bach was much worse than his byte.

While dozing off in my recliner,
I thought there ain't no music finer
Than "rap' or "hard rock"
Or that thing by Bach,
"Toccata and fugue in D minor".

That there rhyme was writ tongue-in cheek,
While in bed with young Dominique...
Please know it ain't true
Or otherwise you
All will think that I'm some kinda freak!

"Tocatta and fugue in D minor",
Oh, nothing could ever be finer,
All I do is quote it,
But J.S. Bach wrote it,
On his napkin, at lunch, in a diner.

Can Anyone Translate?

One of those canisters looks like anti-AXE serum and everyone recognizes the BS detector and righteous steel toed boots but the rest of the equipment seems unfamiliar. Anyone care to give it a try?

Clown House™

Clown House's are common in my region. A Clown House™ looks perfectly normal until the hotplate in the garage conversion catches fire and 37 people pile out.