Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Rhyme Thyme

Our good friend Wagga makes excellent points. Where's Benoit™ for a start.

Were these rhythms more etched in my brain
You would not be obliged to complain,
But I must post this query
In prose, oh so dreary;
My efforts at lim'ricks were vain.

Yes I quiver, I shiver in fear
Of the erudite mavens who're here.
Will you bloody my nose
If I post this in prose?
If you're nice, I will call you "my dear."

Isaac Asimov, an ardent limericist, once noted that "Tocatta and fugue
in D minor" had an anapestic rhythm, but said he could not come up with
a good limerick featuring it. Has the problem been solved?

Toccata and fugue in D minor?
Bach never wrote anything finer.
It entered his mind
As he cut off the rind
Of the rasher at Uncle Mort's diner.

Tiddy Ogg of quaint name is a dear.
(He posts very often right here.)
He looked not down his nose
At my butt-ugly prose
But he sent me an answer. Oh cheer!

A programming whizz-kid called Bright,
Once got his computer to write
His own Ode ToJoy...
It served to annoy,
His Bach was much worse than his byte.

While dozing off in my recliner,
I thought there ain't no music finer
Than "rap' or "hard rock"
Or that thing by Bach,
"Toccata and fugue in D minor".

That there rhyme was writ tongue-in cheek,
While in bed with young Dominique...
Please know it ain't true
Or otherwise you
All will think that I'm some kinda freak!

"Tocatta and fugue in D minor",
Oh, nothing could ever be finer,
All I do is quote it,
But J.S. Bach wrote it,
On his napkin, at lunch, in a diner.

86 comments:

Sprezzatura said...

first!

baa said...

murst

but seriously, i miss the limericks, and i am not clever enough to come up with them on my own.

Stephanie J. said...

I simply adore Benoit™

Kerriella said...

I never have been good at rhyming either but it totally makes my day when someone comes up with a new limerick or Casey version of a song.

CHJTS said...

I heard benoit carries a murse and gets his hair streaked with organic wax.

ha38349 said...

From wikipedia:
A limerick is a five-line poem with a strict meter, popularized by Edward Lear. The rhyme scheme is usually aabba. The first, second, and fifth lines are three metrical feet (9 syllables); the third and fourth are two metrical feet (One metrical foot is equal to 3 syllables; the line pattern goes 9-9-6-6-9). The foot used is usually the amphibrach, a stressed syllable between two unstressed ones. However, many substitutions are common, notably the anapestic foot, two short syllables and then a long (the reverse of dactyl rhythm).

The first line traditionally introduces a person and a location, and usually ends with the name of the location, though sometimes with that of the person. A true limerick is supposed to have a kind of twist to it. This may lie in the final line, or it may lie in the way the rhymes are often intentionally tortured, or in both. Though not a strict requirement, many limericks additionally show some form of internal rhyme, often alliteration, sometimes assonance or another form of rhyme. In early limericks, the last line often essentially repeated the first, though that is no longer customary.

A dirty limerick is a limerick that is obscene, almost always with humorous intent.

I really suck at this stuff, but the first line should be something like:

There once was a boy from Uzbekistan,
...

need help with the next 4 lines (or fix the first!)

Anonymous said...

caseys blog

ha38349 said...

There once was a boy from Tashkent
Who got cash back whenever he spent
And when he was done
The lenders got none
Although he had promised to pay cent

Casey Fannnnn said...

Re:
>>There once was a boy from Uzbekistan,
...need help with the next 4 lines (or fix the first!<<


There once was a wispy Uzbecki
Who sought to gain wealth in ways yekky
He blamed his poor wife
For the turmoil and strife
That his actions brought down on his necky

Casey Fannnnn said...

Young Casey's immaculate spawning
Of a blogular child, damp and yawning
Should have spread massive joy
But the innocent boy
Was destroyed by G's growed-up-ness, dawning

0 Comment Swabby said...

There once was a dude from Modesto
Who purchased a pool and let plants grow
He poked with a stick
As the algae was thick
And thought "Man, this will make a great photo"

Casey Fannnnn said...

An immigrant, slightly retarded
Attempted to grift the unguarded
Whatever he tried
Always faltered and died
He should never have ever have started

Casey Fannnnn said...

A streaky small twink with a man-bag
Resembled a tremulous fag-hag
His bicuriosi-
Ty ebbed with the tossing
He got from a balding RE slag

Casey Fannnnn said...

The area called Serenghetti
Was worried its name was arm-pitty
Because the first part of
It rhymed with the fart of
Renown who did real estate shitty

0 Comment Swaby said...

There once was a man with no pride
Borrowed money from banks, but he lied
Paid more for his phones
Than he did on his loans
It's allgood he sleeps in his ride

Casey Fannnnn said...

An innocently arranged wedding
To Casey, who needed beheading
Brought Galina debt for
A hundred years or more
And neglect of her re: the bedding

Casey Fannnnn said...

The offspring of Borscht and Natasha
Who lied on his loans to get casha
Back, said to his lady
I'm of money madey
Let's go get a shot of wheat grasha

Stephanie J. said...

Some seeming random troll
Had the monumental gall
To flame threads on EN
He won't do it again,
Because everyone ripped off his balls.

0 Comment Swaby said...

There once was a man who brought strife
By blogging his fraudulent life
A wonderful fable
No cash on the table
No houses, no blog and no wife

Casey Fannnnn said...

A face-painty clown, name of Harmy
Regarded his charge with alarmy
The petulant sneer on
The handcuffed young queer on
The ground guaranteed that he would be traded regularly in prison and brutally beaten with equal frequency

king friday the 13th said...

>> ExurbanNation (EN) is a funny and misunderstood catchphrase.

And here all this time I thought you were talking about what lay BEYOND the suburbs -- exurbia.

I know it.
I will never be a poet.

I had a limeric about Nigel and Bubba, but well this is a family friendly board.

Anonymous said...

Nigel was a short man from Utah
He had a complex the size of Bermuda
But fame he did seek
With a blog that was weak
And now he weeps at his computah

Casey Fannnnn said...

A shiny-domed chickenhawk realtor
Was cursed with the hand that was dealt her
He held out his hand
For his target's man-gland
But the boy was repulsed when he smelled her

Casey Fannnnn said...

I will be here all week, by the way, and be sure to order the roast koi. I am given to understand it is a type of fish.

The men in my little girl's life...

O Comment Swaby said...

There once was a Swaby, quite lame
Who lusted for internet fame
Though sometimes I wish
For some koi (which are fish)
I'm glad I can google my name

Anonymous said...

Quick Rob - time for a new thread - we've heard from Nigel at the DHC site.....

Here's tonight's posting:

Refunds?
Some of you may have noticed I put up a text link for Retire Young and Wealthy, part of my program to help the advertisers that helped Casey, but were left out when IAFF closed. When the site owner contacted me, he explained he had seen no refunds yet from Casey. I asked him to reply should the money turn up.

Today I received the following:

Surprise, surprise Casey sent me a refund.

Holy crap! Are we witnessing the first steps of Casey pulling his life together? This step, along with shutting down the blog, show committment, honesty and follow through. It's too soon to tell if this will last, but you have to admit, it's a good first step.

Good luck Casey!
Labels: Casey Serin, casey serin update

posted by Salt Lake Mortgage Guy at 6:30 PM

So - is it true? Is Casey giving refuncs or is Nigel trolling?

Galina Serin said...

I just saw Nigel's DHC site. Did Casey refund the money? I told him not to.

Every one at EN I need your help. Could you please send a check (any amount is fine). Make the check payable to Galina Serin. Please note on the check "Divorce Fund." Please send to my sister's address in West Sacramento.

Thanks

Galina

Dumbfounded said...

Casey boi had a MURSE
He insisted it wuddn't a PURSE
Now instead of shouting FIRST!
We're all celebrating the MURST!

Nigel with Koi (It's a fish)
Considers Casey quite the dish
Although he's not Casey's FOIST
He's still aroused and always MOIST

Benoit™ said...

@ Stephanie J: I simply adore Benoit™

To all folks at Exurban Nation,
An update on Serin's location:
He's sick of exposure
Since facing foreclosure,
And went on a well-earned vacation!! :-)

Best I could do on short notice... heh. Thanks Steffypoo™ and Rob for the mentions :)

Benoit™ said...

Now Swaby said, "Hey, listen Case...
Come here for a long, sweet embrace.
I think you're so witty,
Enchanting and pretty...
You wanna come back to my place?"

Ogg the Caveman said...

Thread's over, 0 Comment Swaby wins.

0 Comment Swaby said...

There once was a blogger so manic
He shut down his site in a panic
So egregious his crime
He will serve prison time
The juice he'll get there is organic

0 Comment Swabby said...

@ 7:48 PM, Ogg the Caveman

Thread's over, 0 Comment Swaby wins.


-I shall await my award in the pool house.

Rob Dawg said...

Is Caseypedia getting all this down?

Bemused Guy said...

cAN'T RHYME. dO LAME HAIKUS COUNT?

I have been away.
Did I miss anything good?
Will someone clue me?

Benoit™ said...

The Haterz have finally won
But Nigel has barely begun
While talking in 'swish',
He'll say "Koi are fish,
And algae? That's caused by the sun."


OK, I like this one :-)

Akubi said...

There's Benoit™!

Akubi said...

Great post and thread, Rob Dawg and all. I've been too busy hatin' VISTA to notice it until now. Hating Vista isn't fun though.

Akubi said...

Bemused Guy,
I'm a lame haiku sort as well:).

king friday the 13th said...

benoit @ 7:36 is PURE GOLD

Mort said...

KC a fraud with a murst(tm)
Made all the haterz(tm) to curst
Drinks from a juicer
He's some kind of looser(tm)
That flamebait is simply the worst

Hobbes said...

There once was a man named LeGate
Who all Haterz did hate
Until he pulled his big ad
And made Casey sad.

And now we think he's just great.

Sahrky said...

Casey would be a tycoon
But conducted his craft like a loon
He bought some mud-huts
Then sat on his butt
Bankruptcy will be his real soon

Sharky said...

Cleaning a pool with the Serins
Casey pushes a stick in
Galina she screams:
"My God it's all green!"
And that is the end of that scene

Stephanie J. said...

Casey cannot stay away
IAFF calls him each day
So he trolls EN instead
To avoid the hideous dread
Of a day-job with hourly pay

Sharky said...

Casey once took a Big Trip
Looking for Nigel's Big Tip
He brought Money Man "G"
Nigel met "G" for free
And they both gave Casey the slip

Stephanie J. said...

Casey is wasting away
From a diet of wheatgrass and whey
Pale skin, blue nails
Delicate girly hands so frail
He'll make Bubba a good wife someday.

Sharky said...

Did someone say "Casey" and "work"?
Don't make me laugh, don't be a jerk!
You know that in labor
He does not find favor
He lives off his wife while he lurks

Stephanie J. said...

Galina has put her foot down
She wants Casey to turn it around
"Take that blog down at once!
You real-estate dunce,
Or in the green pool you I shall drown!


Okay, I concede.. that sucked. I'm no Benoit.

Sharky said...

Ahh, casey's first night as a felon
When Leroy busts up his melon
He'll squeal and he screams
While enduring tag-teams
From all he lonely lads in the prison

Stephanie J. said...

Good one Sharky

Stephanie J. said...

OMG.. I am bowing out.. You guys are too good. LOL

Sharky said...

Casey and No Limit Ladies
When we knew that he was bug-crazy
They flashed him a thong
He signed for a song
Later he realized, 'twas slavery!

Sharky said...

Casey at Yulia's place
She says:"Get outta my face!"
So he goes off to Tahoe
And what a shock, dontcha know
Soon his blog was erased.

Dumbfounded said...

I am Spam
Spam I am
Say....
I DO like wheatgrass with Ham!
Semi-Vegan I am

Sharky said...

Galina married a Trump-Hobbit
Who could not do any job of it
Yulia squirmed
Her temper,it burned
Until she did him a "Bobbit"

Sharky said...

Casey once bought a "bling" car
Too bad that it didn't go far
The engine was shit
So were trans, brakes, and kit
For Casey, this is shooting par

Sharky said...

Casey claims that he's not a fag
But he carries around a "man-bag"
He thinks it's the worst
If you call it his "murse"
He'll break down in a crying jag.

Benoit™ said...

Okay, I concede.. that sucked. I'm no Benoit.

;-) OK, last one before sleep --

The biggest online prima donna
Was smoking some nice marijuana
And decided to flame
Using his Christian name
Of Sharky "The Moron" Laguana...

Benoit™ said...

I actually prefer the second line as: "Attacked Haterz like a piranha".

I was originally going to write that he must've only come up with the brilliant idea of advertising on IAFF after smoking hash, but couldn't work it in properly. The piranha line is better... :-)

NoDebtWhatSoEver™ said...

There was a young man from Tashkent
Whose ethics were incredibly bent
At cashback time
He did fine
But now he's living in a tent

Dumbfounded's VURST said...

Casey and his MURST

In foreclosures I am FURST
My Haterz are the WORST
Wheatgrass shots I THURST
Semi-vegan with LIVERWURST
Makes my stomach BURST
Must go to see the NURST
Yet still I am CURST
To a sweet ride in the HURST




(sorry)

PODvalley girl said...

I may be off subject but I have been lurking and scaning the serin story and others on this website. I am so po'd because I was channel surfing on TV and I landed on ABC during the ALMA Awards in that one instant the speaker made a joke that had the punch line that if I did not speak spanish I should learn the language because it was the language of the country. Ha Ha. Those are fighting words as far as I am concerned. I tried to log my objection on the ABC website but there was no where to comment. No place to email that they suck. I guess no one counts but the Nielson families that live in the great beyond. I will send a snail mail letter. I am done with ABC they can bite me.

Pumping SLC Real Estate said...

Others, like Nigel Swaby, a 36-year-old mortgage broker in Salt Lake City, are reluctant stock investors. Fearing the prices on two investment properties he owned in Salt Lake City could decline, he sold them in 2005 and invested the money in stocks.

Swaby wants to get back into real estate and has been hunting for homes to buy, but feels prices are still too inflated. "There aren't a ton of deals out there," he says. So his money sits in a high-yield savings account, a diversified stock mutual fund and four stocks: Procter & Gamble, Nortel Networks, Revlon and United Airlines. "I want a higher rate of return than a savings account, and stocks are it, until the real estate opportunity presents itself."

USA Today

Northern Renter said...

Sorry I'm late to this thread, but here are a few I've tossed off.

Through Casey-induced mass frustration,
‘Midst crimes that upset all creation,
Sooner or later,
Each blogworthy hater
Must end up at Exurban nation.


Though he said that it was all good,
We knew he’d not do as he should.
He’ll not land on his feet
And it won’t be too sweet
In Casey’s prison neighbourhood.


My wife said to me “Look, man, sit.
Our love’s cold though I fan’s it.
You sit with computer
(And oh, how I’d mute her)
To chat on EN ‘bout transit.”


NR

R-Boy said...

@Pumping SLCRealEstate

BWHAHAHAHHAHA

I love it! Nigel you double-talker!

Jefe said...

Am I wrong, or did Nigel screw the pooch on those investment home sales? Isn't SLC still appreciating?

I am stunned that he demonstrated such poor financial acumen.

Oh wait, no I'm not.

This certainly explains a lot of his venom toward the haterz and bubble-bloggers: he feels like he got duped into making a bad choice.

Nigels Mom said...

Nigel will say anything, anywhere, anytime. Just to see his name in print. We've had to accept that he's a relenteless attention-whore, even when time after time the end result is Nigel just making an ass out of himself. He never learns.

A Google search of the name Nigel Swaby pretty much says it all. He's good for saying whatever you need at the time but nobody would dream of taking him seriously.

If you'll notice, he never keeps his biz connections or social circles very long. Everyone tires quickly of his annoying nature. He's always been this way. It's sad but even as a child he was that kid that nobody liked.

Big Cheese said...

There once was a man named Rob Dawg
who had a slightly frequented blog
And then came Mr. Casey
who drove traffic like crazy
Now Dawg's got all his traffic to log

-BC

The Times They Are A Changin' said...

"SLC is not flat right now. 1st quarter showed nearly 20% appreciation year over year. Properties less than 300k are flying off the shelves because of limited supply, but above that, they are going slower.

I am betting on another year of strong appreciation and seeing a slowdown the first of 2009." Nigel Swaby, at SDCIA, 4/26/07

"There aren't a ton of deals out there. I want a higher rate of return than a savings account, and stocks are it, until the real estate opportunity presents itself." Nigel Swaby, to USA Today, prior to 6/6/07

Fear The Murse™ said...

At closing Casey got back big cash
The market around him did crash
His deals they were shady
He pissed off his lady
Will he still roll out the trash?

The Man Behind the Pleather Mask said...

This says all you need to know to understand the Swaby psyche:

"I look forward to your responses Mish, hopefully supported by hard data. If you don’t respond within seven days, I will take that as a surrender." 12/6/06 [comments not allowed]

"Boy was I wrong! From out of nowhere, he blasted back with a lengthy two-part article rebutting everything I had previously said. Though I was surprised, I was also excited to have been chosen to be a topic on his blog." 12/28/06

(from the Nigel-Mish blog feud, which was solely instigated by Nigel)

lurker said...

A Casey fix yesterday.
A Nigel fix today.

You guys do care.
thanks

HIT_THE_BIDS said...

"and stocks are it"


SELL! SELL! SELL!

Sharky said...

Heh;

Good limerick slam...we've got some real rhyme and meter slingers
here.

flailing forward said...

Casey learned lending standards had dropped,
And thought he could never be stopped.
Those haterz would see
He'd be financially free
Alas, all 8 properties flopped.

Nigel "Man of many tunes" Swaby said...

Bubble bloggers, stop spreading your fear,
That the end of appreciation is near
get over yourselves
They're flying off of the shelves
By the way, I sold all mine last year.

Wishful Thinker said...

Here's a couple and I didn't even use "bitches":

A little boy name of Casey sought riches
But had no skills beyond digging ditches
Buy high take the cash back
He surely had a knack
While keeping all the haterz in stitches.

Galena the wife is so sad
Seems he’s really not rich just a cad
He promised her roses
But mostly he dozes
His boasts were a fraud she’s been had

flailing forward said...

In a land that's supposedly free,
Akubi's poll is a travesty.
I checked back today
And am shocked to say
That nobody voted for me.

:(

flailing forward said...

She made him quit it by force,
From her contract there was no recourse.
Grudgingly he complied
And slaughtered his child
And now can but modify its source.

p0 said...

loosers

Casey Fannnnn said...

Not a limerick, but a fearless construct of god-dambic penstameter:

A couple so coy
Just a boy and a boy
Wandered grimly around,
somewhat spastic

The elder among
These purveyors of bung
Wore a garment of bad
smelling plastic

The junior, the lad
Had a haircut so bad
It evoked mem-reez of Dor-
Thee Hammill

The two of them clasped
at the other one's asp
With a fervor of lust, quite
untrammelled

I'm free, said the lad,
of the woman so bad,
She who murdered my son
in his hoopty

I'm yours to abuse
To relentlessly choose
to insinuate wang
in my poopty

We've conquered the world
Of investments and hurled
Off the shackles of cube-
dwelling loosers

We tower above
Those who labor and shove
other people, the slaves,
and the boozers

Our peers now include
Kowasaki the dude
and that crazy-haired fel-
low named Trumper

Their places beside
Us were earned. What a ride
We've had, playing at night
In the dumper

The sun causes much,
Said the slightly more butch
Of the criminal, lame
Masturbators

The twinky replied
It's what got up inside
My neglected pool, full
Of cicadas

It's not my fault, no
That my mortgages blow
and the banks lost a butt-
load of money

It's victimhood time
The refuge of the slime
Such as me, who did, well,
You know, honey

From gypsies I came
As a travelling dame
With a drive to succeed
With no labor

Though I am reviled
With a loathing so wild,
I'm a Jedi with lots
of light sabres

Just sayin', and shpiel-
ing of course, I don't real-
Ly have weapons
like that from a movie

If that could be made
to be true, and be paid
for, it certain-
Ly would be quite groovy

Did you just say groov-
y? The balder one moved
To ask of his companion
So sallow

Forget what I said
For the brain in my head
Is corrupted, in fact
It's turned yallow

-----------------------

You finish it
I'm bored now

Step up. You know you're
HATERZ²°³ enough.

Sharky said...

Casey Serin, my hobbit
You listen to me
Snarky wisdom from Sharky
About the place you will be

Life in a prison
Might be familiar to you
You see, on the inside
There's "Real Estate" too!

There are places to learn
Where it's not safe to go
You will be told ONCE
Then you're expected to know

Sorry, no "flipping"
Is allowed for your cell
You get what you're given
Not like? Go to Hell!

There are tables you sit at
And others you may not
That's the way of this market
Like it or not

The mortgage you'll like
They're all done "NoDocs"
You state your net worth
(Which you keep in your socks)

Don't stiff them on loans
Pay up what you've got
Collections there use
The "Shank of Default"

And if you intrude
Where you don't have "safe pass"
Be sure, little Hobbit
They'll "foreclose" on your ASS!

When you enter this market
'twould be a safe bet
To start your investing
With some cigarettes

So that's Sharky's advice
To a pretty young lad
Who will soon be an inmate
From being so bad.

Good luck little Snowflake!
Go sip Jamba Juice
And ponder your rectum
Which will soon be quite loose.

Me said...

Did anyone see Nigel's rebuttal to the USA article on SLCRE?

LOL said...

Yes, dork claims that while they did not misquote him they still somehow got the story wrong.

A bunch of "I didn't sell out of fear" bla bla bla.

What a tool.

If you play media whore the dumb way you get burned Swabo.

Mort said...

Dream Ditty:

KC is sitting in jail
He couldn't borrow his bail
His cell he does sharey
With big Bubba Larry
Then KC begins to wail.