Thursday, October 13, 2005

California Almost High Speed Rail

Fast forward:
The year is 2024, after $43.1 billion (2003 dollars) the CA-AHSR is
finally running between Oakland Caltrain Terminal and Union Station Los
Angeles. Capable of speeds of up to 185 mph except where prohibited by
noise or safety the system makes nearly 20 trips per day with more than
8000 passengers.

The nice terrorist with the cell phone sees the governor get on board
one of the 8 limited stop specials that make the Oakland Los Angeles
journey in under 4 hours with only 3 stops, Fresno, Bakersfield,
Palmdale. The nice terrorist calls his buddy in the central valley
with the lettuce truck that's been waiting for just such an occasion.
Due to cost overruns and reduced service expectations the right of way
in places like Delano is only 100 feet and large portions are nothing
more than 12ft cyclone fence (mostly to hold back tumbleweeds from
fouling the pantographs) criss-crossed by numerous semi-automated
private at grade crossings. These were concessions to saving money
rather than using emminent domain against the very powerful Central
Vally Agricultural Industry. The lettuce truck has been working the
fields for six months and by now is well known to all the rail
monitoring cameras. Perfect; $43 billion, 400 people, a governor and
America's newest societal icon of dominance and supremacy taken out in
spectacular fashion for the cost of a phone call and lettuce truck.
These terrorists known as the naftaistas not only will never be caught
but their ties to their rouge nation masters in Ottawa will never be
traced. Eco-extremists cheer as the fences come down and the free
range tumbleweeds are finally released to resume their natural migration
patterns. Eventually a minor splinter group of the governors own Green
Party affiliation is blamed. The Bakersfield Dozen (there are 13
conspirators) as they are called eventually win freedom when Supreme
Court Head Justice Lance Ito overturns their convictions when it is
learned that the lettuce found at the scene was not only non-union but
non-organic. The Greens are absolved. President Clinton says she is
pleased and only wishes her mom and dad the former Presidents would
stop feuding long enough to let her appoint them both to the Court so
more such legal ground could be broken before the next election cycle
where it is Jenna Bush's turn to be President.

Back to the present day; Anybody wanna buy this choo-choo?

1 comment:

SmellyPogoStick said...

Firstest with the Murstest!