Monday, May 14, 2007

Any Way You Slice It...


Any way you slice it it is still baloney. How disassociated do you have to be to come out of all this with the hubris to still troll?

Special shout out to one of those silent readers "D" who clued me into some really great graphics.

55 comments:

Anonymous said...

first

serin is as serin does... said...

F, F, and M!

Anonymous said...

murst

Serin is as Serin does... said...

Dammit! (But I still got Furst and Murst!)

Anonymous said...

liverwurst

Rob Dawg said...

And flailing forward has an explanation as to why the Dude got skunked.

The Dude sits back and unpacks his new copy of Casey Serin Firstinatorz software that will enable him to never miss another fist, murst, or liverwurst again. Upon opening, the padded mailer contains only a single CD-R with "firstinat" scribbled across it in blue crayon. "Hmmm, not very professional," he thinks to himself.

He loads the disk into his computer and starts the self-install. 400 popup prompts and 2 restarts later, the program is installed and running in the background.

"Ahhh, now we'll see who the loosers are, you bunch of murs..."

Bzzzt. The entire room goes pitch black.

WE ARE SORRY, BUT EXISTENCE BANDWIDTH HAS BEEN EXCEEDED FOR THIS INDIVIDUAL. IF YOU ARE THE OWNER OF THIS EXISTENCE, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR EXISTENCE PROVIDER.

(3.5 HOURS LATER)

Bzzzt. The Dude flashes back into existence. He is red in the face, screaming at his computer.

"...erfucker, I'll kick your freaking ass for selling me this bunk software you jamba juice fasting dipsh..."

Bzzzt.

EXISTENCE NOT FOUND. PLEASE CHECK THAT YOU TYPED THE NAME OF THIS INDIVIDUAL PROPERLY INTO REALITY.

(6 HOURS LATER)

Bzzzt.

"...amnit, somebody help me! Casey's software fucked up the space time continuum and I..."

Bzzzt.

ENS CANNOT RESOLVE THEDUDE.FIRST.EN.

(24 HOURS LATER)

Bzzzt.

"...UCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FU..."

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.

YOU HAVE REACHED AN EXISTENCE THAT HAS BEEN DISCONNECTED OR IS NO LONGER IN SERVICE. PLEASE HANG UP, CHECK THE IDENTITY, AND TRY YOUR REALITY AGAIN.



Posted by flailing forward to Exurban Nation at 9:12 AM

The Dude said...

Dude has to buy new keyboard and monitor......

Note to self: Send bill to Flailing.

ROFLMAO

C-Corp Man said...

I am reading all this stuff this morning and need clarification on something. Why is Nigel and this RCS troll comparing us EN posters to the VT killer? What kind of bullshit is that?

Q&A with Dr. Haterz said...

Q: Why is Nigel and this RCS troll comparing us EN posters to the VT killer?

A: Because they're retarded.

wine country dude said...

With apologies to the very many hard working immigrants in our country, I think KC's story is partly about being an immigrant. America's the land of riches, playing the right games and it's all about finding your cute angle and being in the right place when the money spigot opens.

In my profession, I have seen this mentality a lot with immigrants from the former Soviet Union.

Hey--if a Vegas casino is looking for a buyer, and offering a $15 million commission for finding one, why not me?

"Eassssyyyyyyy money. All I have to do is find a person with an extra $1.5 billion--I have several among my closest friends--put him in touch with the casino [of course, even with $1.5 billion, my friend needs me for this critical contact], and bingo! I pay back every dirty penny and am set for life!"

Along with 36% returns on hedge funds and all the other happy horseshit that runs through KC's mind.

Anonymous said...

Hello in the blogging community, A friend of mine and I have pooled our money together to buy a sure thing investment. We have about 1.5 billion or so...

Is that how Casey will find his money man??

lawnmower man said...

Along with 36% returns on hedge funds

24-60%+ in private equity funds, he claims in his latest post. (IAFF still isn't resolving for me, but Bloglines picked up the post.)

Obviously none of his $30,000 "education" ever addressed risk.

And his list says "this is the stuff I've had brewing over the lat 8-9 months". *snork*. Nine months of spinning his wheels fantasizing over sweet opportunities; no results.

(And c'mon, fess up: who trolled him with the account executive / casino broker bait? Genius.)

flailing forward said...

Hey advertisers, check out the lucrative stats at IAFF. Don't miss out on this incredibly well-managed opportunity! Hater baiting is paying off big time!

polizeros said...

IAFF appears to be mostly down now, however Google Reader did grab his last post, if anyone missed it.

-----

Yesterday marked 120 days until my 25th birthday on September 10th. I like round dates and I like challenges. My 25th birthday is a big deal for me. I must have a turnaround story by then. I’m sick of not being able to pay my debts and all this financial instability. Because of it my marriage is seriously on the rocks…

Priorities:

1. Marriage - start counseling
2. Cashflow - control expenses and create stable income
3. Progress - focus on key opportunities and big deals

Foreclosure and non foreclosure opportunities available to me:

This is the stuff I’ve had brewing over the last 8-9 months. Most of these came as a direct result from my foreclosure experience and blogging about it.

* Website/blog development and consulting - $50/hour+
* Continue monetizing this foreclosure blog with advertising, sponsorships and affiliate commissions: $1,000-3,000/mo
* Review foreclosure related services and products: $250-500 per review
* Help people stop foreclosure by offering and/or referring consulting, loss mitigation, short sale assistance, buying their house, etc: $ varies
* Recruit for real estate investing college and make 50% commission: typically $8,000 per sale
* Create and sell book(s) and info products around my foreclosure story: $ varies
* Work as an account executive with a commercial capital / brokerage firm on big deals 10 million and up: $50,000+ commissions/fees per deal
* Invest in private equity funds: 24-60%+ returns

That’s a lot of great opportunities. I may or may not do them all. Part of the challenge is going to be focusing on the right opportunities and managing my time ruthlessly.

Creating stable income is the first order of business though - whether is a job or contract work (I prefer the latter).

It’s time for massive focused action…

flailing forward said...

Strangely, IAFF is up for me, and I can comment. Other than a comment from unbelievable last night/ early this morning, no one else is there. I've been telling knock knock jokes to myself.

There are 20 comments in cue right now.

Anonymous said...

* Go and pick a fight with a bouncer.

* Contemplate suicide while standing on a tall bridge.

* Jump.

Aspeth said...

What does Casey's "transparent blogging" remind me of?....perhaps a certain ethical mortgage broker?

Someone has to explain the "oxy" to these morons.

Stephanie J. said...

Casey is seriously asking for an ass-kicking, especially with that Dorothy Hamill Hair.

Anonymous said...

"Creating stable income is the first order of business though - whether is a job or contract work (I prefer the latter)."

Ummmm, yeah because contract work is SO stable. Not to say you can't make a damn good living on it, but just starting out, I would hardly say it was stable.

The Original Kevin™ said...

Stephanie - you mentioned in an earlier post that you had a deadline of a book this month. You should hold an auction for folks to bid on naming of a character in your book. The 1st Amendment foundation did something similiar with famous writers, i.e., John Grisham, Stepehn King, etc.... Raised boat loads of $$.

You could name a dog after Rob Dawg,.... '"Dawg, come here boy!" said Carol, the lovah™ of our hero Charles to her Bull Mastif....'

Or a pet rat after Casey,...'"Screeech! screamed Carol at the site of a smaller than usual dirty rat, as it pitter-pattered across her bed, unknowing that her lovah™ Charles had named the little critter 'Casey'"'

Who woldn't bid here?!!

Aspeth said...

LOL...it's a really sweet deal that, since fucktard's site is down, the referral list sends people straight to the Haterz.

The Dude said...

Stephanie,
The "Dorothy" comment made me think of the infamous TonyaGate.

I've got Tonya Harding's phone number in Camas, WA.....want me to drop a dime on Casey?

She used to come in my McD's after she got out of jail....she is one big, tough, bitch.

Mort said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dm said...

IAFF still doesn't resolve for me. WTF kind of DNS service doesn't resolve within 10 minutes anymore? Everytime I've moved a site to a new server in the past few months, it resolves within minutes... Fliptards mad h4x0r sk1ll5 at work again.

I think I'm going to stop visiting IAFF altogether. I'll just hang out quietly here at EN and check FeedBurner every now and then.

dm said...

"Ummmm, yeah because contract work is SO stable. Not to say you can't make a damn good living on it, but just starting out, I would hardly say it was stable."

I don't think motard has what it takes to make it stable. I've been doing contract work for a couple of years now. I'm 24 and making right at six figures from it. I have contracts that guarantee me a certain income every month regardless of the workload and then contracts that are more linear projects. But, it's taken me a helluva lot of hard work and making the *right* connections to get to that point.

Unless that's a magical murse that produces real revenue generating contracts on demand, he's going to have a tough time if he can't even keep his own server up.

dm said...

Nice find on the cnet article, Mort. So, it's now confirmed that Casey is intentionally trolling. At this point, I believe he and Galina are in it together to milk everything they can from it. That confirms my decisions to avoid the site from now on.

I just hope no one is dumb enough to click on his ads. I feel bad for those advertisers...

Rob Dawg said...

Okay, made a little money, made the real world run a little smoother. Did I miss anything last two hours? Hell ya. Okay, I'll glue my butt to the cmmand chair and get back to the personal requests and look at your email stuff quickly.

The housing market was stable until Casey joined in. Then it started going crazy. Same for Adsense revenue. Same for contract programming. Stop me when you sense a pattern, it isn't any of those things that are crazy.

Most important, none of this "jump" stuff. Especially if you think he deserves it. Look, Casey is infamous for taking the easy way out of everything. Comments like "jump" make it easier. No, a thousand times, 2.2 million times no. This is the part where Casey starts to give back. Essentially Casey has lived his life backwards. He led a few years of dissapating assets and a lifestyle of leisure. Now he gets to live the workingman's life for the next 40 to end up where most start; with nothing.

Mort said...

dm sed

So, it's now confirmed that Casey is intentionally trolling...

Yes, he's a little flamebait, that's for sure. EN got a plug in there too.

Held back by Marriage said...

Casey's charging $50/hour to build websites? I think I'll hire him to build me one. It'll be based around how Salt Lake City real estate is tanking, and that nobody should buy.

NoVa Sideliner said...

"Ummmm, yeah because contract work is SO stable. Not to say you can't make a damn good living on it, but just starting out, I would hardly say it was stable."

If you have good skills, contract work can almost be stable in a place like the DC area; probably SF Bay is similar.

If you are sloppy, miss details, show up to work late, and every system change you do causes hours of problems, you're hosed.

Now perhaps a W-2 employer might end up sending someone young and incompetent like Casey for more training (assuming he didn't flock up his probation period) or even transfer him to a different set of job duties (read: dead end).

But if you're a contractor Casey, and you start doing updates with the same mad skillz you're showing the rest of the world, you're out the door. That's why my department likes contractors. :-)

Nope, W-2 is best for Casey: W-2 at a really big company or agency, preferably someplace so overstaffed that (1) his incompetence won't show up as prominently, and (2) he can cajole others to help reduce or fix his screw-ups.

Still gotta show up every day, though, little sleepy Snowflake!

Anonymous said...

Contract work will get you lots of stable work if you have skills, as employers prefer them now, but most fo the successful contractors I know got there by working cubes for a while to build up skills, contacts, and most importantly, reputation.

Right now, reputation will be the #1 thing to lose ay hope of contract work for shithead, unless it's supporting the scammers like NR - yet again Casey will bottom feed, because he put himself there.

Casey does not have the things that build a good rep - integrity, skills, dependability, work ethics, talent, character, and an attention span.

Anonymous said...

His nameservers are not responding.

It's possible that those people who use nameservers that have cached the location of his site can still see it, but when the cache entries time out, his site will be offline to them also.

Actually, I use the word nameservers incorrectly, because the "expert website developer" ($50/hour) has 2 nameserver entries pointed to the same IP address:
iamfacingforeclosure.com. 172800 IN NS ns1.iamfacingforeclosure.com.
iamfacingforeclosure.com. 172800 IN NS ns2.iamfacingforeclosure.com.

;; ADDITIONAL SECTION:
ns1.iamfacingforeclosure.com. 172800 IN A 216.69.162.79
ns2.iamfacingforeclosure.com. 172800 IN A 216.69.162.79

Falling Floorward said...

More and more it looks like the fall of communism was a BAD BAD thing.

We have been overrun by the russian mafia immigrantz™ and now Casey is here working hard to ruin America how people like him ruined the soviet systemz™.

NotAnOptimist said...

I agree w/ Rob Dawg; quit giving Casey tips on the easy way out (e.g. dying). As someone awesome once said, "the hardest thing in this world... is to live in it." I am ALL FOR seeing Casey suffer for as long as possible. It's just a matter of how. I suggest locking him up in a padded room (those things drive sane people insane) because I don't see him changing his ways and contributing to society... except by providing an example of what NOT to do, and the consequences of such actions.

Anonymous said...

The idea that shithead "get a job" is dependant on shithead being *hirable*. Do we know if he were fired from his last job? Has a good reference? If he tries to claim he was anything for the past few years other than a complete failure, the lie will be revealed with a quick Google.

On top of that, once hired, what makes you think he could *keep* a job? He laughs off having his laptop behind the counter at JJ, but that's one thing I beleivee - any job he might land, he'll be online working "sweet deals" and fucking aroud with the blog when he's supposed to be working.

On top of that, fuck him. He'd be wasting space someone who *deserves* a job should have.

Rob Dawg said...

NoVa Sideliner said...
"Ummmm, yeah because contract work is SO stable. Not to say you can't make a damn good living on it, but just starting out, I would hardly say it was stable."

If you have good skills, contract work can almost be stable in a place like the DC area; probably SF Bay is similar.

If you are sloppy, miss details, show up to work late, and every system change you do causes hours of problems, you're hosed.


It took me years to learn some things. Hey, I'm slow, anyone here all that shocked? Monday morning the East Coast clients call. There's a sh!tload of unautomated un sorted email to wade through. All the "I'll do it this weekend" stuff that never got done still waits. I still stupidly used to make face appointments with local clients. Dumb. I'm better now and even have a secret weapon. Everyone who gets face time is made aware of the "Oh, while you are here" clause. The "OWYAH" clause is an automatic $28 surcharge and a polite but firm refusal to comply. Truth told I do try to handle reasonable requests but it has definitely made my life far more manageable. I had a similar clause for my renters until I got out last year at the top. The "pet request" clause in the lease. The landlord is not your mommy. The landlord is not the bad guy who tells the tear stained child that he can't keep the puppy that followed him home. Requests for cats or dogs shall be accompanied with a $100 processing fee. The fee is not refundable. The answer will still be "no" and the processing fee will not be refunded.

Fellow landlords have been copying this clause.

Benoit™ said...

I suggest locking him up in a padded room (those things drive sane people insane)

Well, remember, this is the man-child who likes to bounce on things for fun (blue ball, trampoline, etc). Probably for hours on end. So he'd likely have a blast in a padded cell.

On an unrelated [and purely hypothetical] note, what is the legality of taking Casey Serin's cell phone number and posting it to the Sacramento Craigslist's M4M personals section? Along with an actual picture of "No-Haircut" Serin... "I'm looking for someone else to 'keep it organic' with me, if you get my drift..." ;-)

Rob Dawg said...

"get a job" is dependant on shithead being *hireable*.

Yeah, this is a persistent myth. Any company big enough to have a HR person will routinely google and/or credit check any potential candidate. Either one of those for Dandelion would get printed out in bold type and posted to the HR Hall of Shame laug boards. Foget for a minute all you know about Fliptard and put yourself in the hiring position. He comes back from TRW/Experian with a 404 credit score. What do you do? Oh, I know waste the morning reseaching to see if this isn't a job risk. Not. Put Casey's application in the circular filing cabinet and call Hazmat.

Stephanie J. said...

@The Dude,
Tonya... LOL... I was just thinking about her when I stopped by the clusterf*ck that is the Clackamas Town Center to look for something pretty to wear for Saturday. They have taken out the ice-rink there; but it's strange to think this is where she got started.

What a sad character; but looking around at the mall, and the Clackamas/Milwaukie area; I recognize the 'stock' she came from. Yikes.

lawnmower man said...

@flailing: Strangely, IAFF is up for me, and I can comment. [...] No one else is there. I've been telling knock knock jokes to myself.

Sounds about normal for IAFF, given the rapid drop-off in comments during the last few weeks...

(Oh, and the self-destructive porker pictured on this post is excellent, if a little disturbing. Well done Silent D.)

NotAnOptimist said...

@Benoit™:

he'd likely have a blast in a padded cell

Good point. I'll revise my recommendation to being chained up in a desert with a Jamba Juice wheatgrass shot mere inches away...

posting it to the Sacramento Craigslist's M4M personals section

Sadly, I think you are overestimating fliptard's appeal. But it would be funny if he got any "meeting" requests. What I wouldn't give for a clip of such an encounter (taken with the $600 video camera, of course)...

NoVa Sideliner said...

Yo, Rob Dawg,

The "OWYAH" clause is an automatic $28 surcharge and a polite but firm refusal to comply.

I love it! I remember a deal at one place I contracted for where any out of hours call/request was a flat $75 per event. Plus normal pay. Amazingly, the company never minded using that.

And yes, I also forgot to mention that it generally does take years of cubicle work to become contract-hirable, especially I find with mainframe dinosaur stuff. Some web jobs (PHP, etc), though, require less experience to be considered -- but sometimes the pay sucks.

As an example, a friend of mine working for a big firm in med-size city is looking for a contractor right now who knows MS-Office stuff, some basic web skills, and doen't demand much experience. The down side? You'll be lucky to get more than $25/hour.

Casey Fannnnn said...

Re:
>>I still stupidly used to make face appointments with local clients. Dumb.<<

Heh. I never even meet many of my clients, almost all of whom are states away. Few are local, and if they are I go to their offices. I do contract work, not for increased wealth opportunities, but to work at home, and avoid people and the need to honor polite social convention. Sometimes I never even speak to a client by phone - it's all email, all the way, pay usually by Paypal. I produce expensive-looking video stuff from the ground up, fast, for sub-Chinese prices, which gives me a certain freedom as long as I don't try to get rich.

A few weeks ago I reluctantly agreed to do some work for a local client I did not know, for a long boring reason I'll skip over. Before I realized what was happening, he invited himself to my place, which I do not keep in order at all, and in truth is a fucked-up hovel 'cause I just don't care. It looks like Ed Gein's house with a million computers in it, and I usually babysit my girlfriend's insane, snarling 80-pound pit bull during working hours. Anyway, the new client was polite, left his notes, but he called that afternoon, before I could even start the job, and paid me a kill fee.

Gawd, that was a boring story. Aw hell, I typed it, so I'll post it.

Re:
>>Requests for cats or dogs shall be accompanied with a $100 processing fee. The fee is not refundable. The answer will still be "no" and the processing fee will not be refunded.<<

That type of tactic can create problems. Halfway-smart tenants will quietly resent your actions, move in anyway, then when they move out, they'll do subtle, expensive damage that won't show up for months. My computer just dinged at me. My After Effects render is done. Later, dewdzzzz. Oh yeah, down with Casey, Nigel is a unprofessional anal queef samwich, hate grr hate, how 'bout that real estate bumble, urban cowboys never existed, etc.

Rob Dawg said...

Casey Fannnn,
What are you doing in MY office? And stealing MY marketing model?

Sprezzatura said...

My last landlord was involved with BAD RAP, the pit-bull rescue organization. He was fine with pets in his building, and he rarely had trouble filling vacancies. He had a huge, very friendly female pit bull as a pet who tried to make friends with our cats but they all got scared. (I was scared of her too, but that's becasue big dogs in general scare me. She was never the slightest bit aggressive.)

Interstingly enough, the one set of tenants who left their place a craphole when they moved out did not have any pets.

SayWhat? said...

An employee called us from jail saying he had just been convicted of sexually assaulting a minor. He told us he could continue to work here because (believe it or not) they have some program where convicts could work days and spend the rest of the time in jail. Fortunately it's against company policy to employ felons so we fired him.

He got hired by another company less than two weeks later. I now believe anyone can find a job in the tech industry.

Ogg the Caveman said...

That type of tactic can create problems. Halfway-smart tenants will quietly resent your actions, move in anyway, then when they move out, they'll do subtle, expensive damage that won't show up for months.

Not sure if anyone's still reading this thread, but I'll respond anyway.

Landlords have to walk a fine line when it comes to this sort of thing. On the one hand, it's necessary to be prepared for likely trouble spots. On the other hand, too much of that gives the impression to a prospective tenant that the landlord expects trouble.

Some time back I walked away from a promising rental over that sort of thing. The lease agreement was twice as long as any I'd ever signed and specified far more punitive fines than I'd ever seen. The whole thing was structured in such a way that problem tenants would quickly find themselves behind on rent and fees and thus subject to far quicker eviction than the law provides for on the basis of the original problem, if that makes any sense.

I should've walked away then, but I figured it would be ok. As the process went on, I felt more and more like they were putting me in a position where I could easily get screwed if they were unscrupulous, incompetent, or even just a little slow in pulling things together. The final straw came when they told me that I'd need to provide proof that I'd given notice to my current landlord before they'd agree to rent from me.

Now, Rob's pet inquiry fee is not anywhere near as onerous as some of the things that landlord did. But it has some of the same problems. It might come across as mean-spirited, and it might suggest that he has hostile relationships with his tenants.

I certainly don't mean to tell Rob how to run his business. He knows better than I do what kind of impact his lease terms have, and if he's getting the kind of tenants he wants then it's clearly not a problem. I'm just saying that it's something for landlords to be careful about. There's a fine line to be walked. Be too easygoing, and you don't have the leverage to deal with problem tenants. Be too strict, going into a prospective rental relationship visibly ready for war, and you may drive off all but the problem tenants.

Rob Dawg said...

Okay, the last few criticisms are well considered. Let me tell you what really happens. First, I do not advertise for tenants. I contract out to a trusted realtor. No jokes, you know what I mean. The realtor does it all. I have no idea who shows up at the door, who gets in, who gets an application, whose application gets added to the stack. Presidents call this plausible deniability. Let me make clear, there is no racism, classim, sexism or anything else-ism tolerated. I just don't want to hear about the also-rans because if I did someday it could be an issue. Instead I pay someone who has signed a nondiscrimination clause so many times it is beyond reproach. Realtors do add value, make no mistake. The realtor explains that the house/yard is too small. The wood paneling too valuable, etc. The realtor in a friendly voice explains that the owner is sensitive about this because of a past bad experience. Pets are not allowed. If the potenetial tenant has issues with this I have no idea. All I know is that the tenants presented to me meet the criteria including the pets clause.

Yes it is a fine line but the results seem satisfactory. The most recent property we disposed of had 5 tenants in 19 years with the advance knowledge that one was a temporary occupant. So with that kind of average I'm not concerned with damage as much as some. I know that new carpets at the least are required and it is built into the cost structure. I don't tie my leases to long terms. IMO shorter terms usually enhance rental value. Wierd but hey, give me a little slack. The sign on usually involves a large deposit payable in 2-4 months on a 1 yr lease. Month to month or annual renewal thereafter. Never gotten the short end of either but that may be dumb luck.

Then again my system may make luck unnecessary. Remember my "fees" are not fees as they don't apply unless. Oh, and as I am left to say so; I am a great landlord. Everything works, you get left alone, rents are very stable.

Ogg the Caveman said...

I know that new carpets at the least are required and it is built into the cost structure.

If only all landlords saw it that way.

*Scowls at the frayed carpet*

Dimes said...

I know that new carpets at the least are required and it is built into the cost structure.

I sure as hell hope our landlord sees it that way, otherwise they're going to have to take me to court if they expect me to pay one penny towards replacing this stained, patched-together mess I've been living on for the past two years.

polizeros said...

> I just hope no one is dumb enough to click on his ads. I feel bad for those advertisers...

The advertisers only pay when someone clicks on their ad.

Casey Fannnnn said...

Cheezus, every time I close my eyes I see an NLE interface, and here I am still dicking around on the web instead of sleeping.

Re:
>>What are you doing in MY office? And stealing MY marketing model?<<

Hey, ya go with what works. Steal from the best, and so on.

Re:
>>pit-bull rescue organization<<

The dog who spends his days with me was an inadvertent rescue. His throat was cut and he was dumped in the street. The ragged cut had healed, and my girlfriend is a saint who can not ignore such things. She picked him up - then couldn't find a home for him because he's nuts, and sort of dangerous. I hated this little bastard dog for years, but now he's my constant companion. One time I punched him (I lift weights) when he bit my nose and I thought I killed him, but he woke up, and now he does everything I tell him, like a little bitch. Unfortunately, he hates people at random and his jaws have one thousand gazillion tons of crushing power. He chews through metal stuff, no shit. I was walking him in 2004 and he bit a kid who tried to pet him. I thought oh shit, he's toast, the cops are gonna make me kill him. BUT: the child was a foster child, which means the mother-figure never reported the biting. She didn't want to lose the check. Dodged a bullet that time, man.

Re:
>>An employee called us from jail saying he had just been convicted of sexually assaulting a minor. He told us he could continue to work here because (believe it or not) they have some program where convicts could work days and spend the rest of the time in jail.<<

I never did a sex crime, but I used to do other crimes. I carried a gun and stuff. Never pulled it, never did violence, but what I did was felonious stuff that got me arrested, although I always escaped doing time. It was forty years ago, what the hell. Anyway, the church groups and educational distributors for whom I produce print, audio, and video never seem to care. Sometimes I think I'm too old to be on the intornetz.

Re:
>>Landlords have to walk a fine line when it comes to this sort of thing.<<

When I posted the above thing, I was mostly thinking of an experience my sister had. I never had pets until my old age, and I never spawned, so damage wasn't a rental problem for me but me sis got stuck with a house for a while. She moved and couldn't sell it, in the 1980s. So she rented to a family with children. A god damned professional family. Successful lawyer dad, teacher mom. (I know teachers aren't real professionals, but bear with me.) She eventually found a buyer. Her tenants refused to move! Can you believe it? They proceded to encourage their children to damage the house. Draw on the walls, fuck up the dishwasher, break everything, etc. Pour sludge down all drains, partially clip electrical conduits, wreck random shingles, blah and blah. My sis got a lawyer. She sued. The family countersued, baselessly. Even though meritless, the action slowed things way down. Cut to the chase: My sis was advised, by counsel, to bribe the family to leave. She dropped all legal actions and paid them to go. She took a loss on the house because of this. She never intended to profit, but she should have broken even at least. I never want to be a landlord!

The place I live in now is a shit hole. It was when I moved in, and it will be when I move out. It's a shack, curiously located in the middle of an upscale neighborhood. Landlord picked up the building in an odd transaction, lives hundreds of miles away. The neighbors fuckin hate this place. I live next door to carefully-trimmed lawns, huge rooms, new cars that cost more than my whole building and other such things. My lawn is two feet high (landlord forgto to call lawn services) and my building has huge chunks falling off of it. Why is that so cool?

Hey, ROBOT CHICKEN just showed a sketch that parodies the Gary Coleman CASHCALL spots. Way cool!

sid_finster said...

BAD RAP is a good organization.

I also keep a pit bull. A large, strong, high-drive male.

Like most pits, Redhead is EXTREMELY friendly towards humans. Never bit, tried to bite, or threatened to bite anyone, and he will let total strangers in the house with nothing more than frantic tail-wagging and licking.

He would be aggressive towards other animals, if I allowed it.

Incidentally, all that is standard pitbull behavior.

Egosumabbas said...

I'm sorry, but this poster is so disturbing that I must translate it:

People enjoy eating it and... without tiring:

Auvergne Sausage. Absolutely pure quality food.

the "tasty sausages of the BOUNTIFUL HOG"!

Yes, it's that quirky in French too.

Casey Fannnnn said...

Is it possible for a dog to be permanently messed up in its early life? The one I'm with now behaves like a 10-pound infant dog for me, my girlfriend, and everyone biologically related to my girlfriend, but certain other people, specifically ALL small women and ALL black men, cause him to go stark raving CUJO insane. He's not getting any better. I did a little digging a few years ago and it appears he was raised to be a fighter by a black family a half mile from my girlfriend's place. He didn't meet some arbitrary fighting standard, he was abused pretty badly by his owner, then his throat was cut and he was dumped. He survived, and lived in the street for a month. I wonder if the early trauma has essentially made him a permanent head case. Fortunately, people expect weirdness when they visit me. Dog last "went after" a 5-foot-tall prominent local attorney here on business (she didn't get mad) and a week later charged the sweet little Japanese wife of an actor cast in a commercial, which was really embarrassing. If a black guy walks within 15 feet of the car, the dog will knock itself out trying to ram through the window with its skull. The barking is deafening and slobber flies everywhere. Pisses me off.

Oh yeah, I got a 10-pound cat and the dog is terrified of it. The cat's always up in his face beating the shit out of him, which is weird because the cat is the size of the dog's head. I think one day the cat will be killed by the dog. Fortunately, I don't like it much.