Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Pick Apart Tuesday

Check out this prision and airport runway close beauty. Check out the award winning creative writing:
Location: Rancho Cordova, CA Lowest price per square foot in Rancho Cordova!!! Beautiful upgraded brick house in a quiet neighborhood. Remodelled kitchen and baths with lots of tile. New carpet, laminite floors, and tile floors. Tile counters, tiled mud room, large bonus room. Dual pane windows and fireplace. Large outdoor shed and landscaped yard.


• Garage conversion rebranded as "large bonus room." Check.
• Miniature grass spot rebranded as "Large outdoor shed and landscaped yard." Check.
• 70's era countertops regrouted and rebranded as "remodelled kitchen and baths with lots of tile." Check.
• John Lockwood, Bhuddist Realtor™ and anti-free speech hypocrite rebranded as "Elite Properties." Check.

Humor, priceless.

Update: LISTING.

97 comments:

aaron said...

first

aaron said...

and murst

aaron said...

moist

Nah, can't happen said...

Murst

aaron said...

and liverwurst.
I think i got em' all covered.

SmellyPogoStick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
knew it said...

Oh well...

Rob Dawg said...

Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry. Updated.

Rob Dawg said...

Stinky old pogo ruined the game of guess the price. Now everyone can click and giggle.

someotherpersonaltogether said...

Does every house in Parad^H^H^H, I mean, California come with a yard that big?

(Ex) Train Wreck Watcher said...

One car garage? Is it a garage conversion or isn't it?

And I don't disagree with the price, I'd willingly pay $129k for it, it's a nice starter home. Oh wait, is that $279k?

someotherpersonaltogether said...

Exterior Amenities: Grass Lawn

As opposed to say, Shards of Broken Glass Lawn or Rusty Razor Blade and Hypodermic Needle Lawn.

The Dude said...

First!

Santa Flipper Clause said...

Ho Ho Ho - It's Santa Flipper Clause

I never considered a grass lawn an amenity.

Of course, here at the North Pole, I have an ice lawn.

Santa F. Clause

Stephanie J. said...

What's "laminite"? Is that some sort of naturally occurring mineral?

The Dude said...

1)Blue section = old garage
2)Old garage = new living area

1+2=0 As in zero car garage.

Correct, or do my eyes fail me?

The Dude said...

Nevermind, I finally bothered to read the listing.

The Dude said...

What's "laminite"? Is that some sort of naturally occurring mineral?

Laminite is a building material used by those in the know....primarily real estate experts who also have koi ponds. Koi, a type of fish, eat algae.

Dimes said...

WTH is a "tiled mud room"? An earthen basement with a halfassed floor?
And where's the garage?
That kitchen reminds me of the galley I had my senior year of college, except with a dishwasher.

Anonymous said...

Ted Danson and Mary Steenbergen have put their Malibu place on the market for $18.5 million.

Smallish (2,963 SF is small for $18.5 million) 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms,on Malibu Colony Road, aka "one of SoCal's most coveted beaches."

RealEstalker is not crazy about The Colony: "For those not familiar with The Colony, the houses are smashed up next to each other on narrow and tiny lots where windows sometimes look into the windows of the neighbors' houses.

http://tinyurl.com/33flvy

Dimes said...

Does that overgrown stump (or is it "partially-removed tree?) in the front yard constitute landscaping?

Mike in Folsom said...

I don't want to get flamed, but that's not a bad house for Rancho Cordova. Is it worth $279,000? Of course not. Is the garage conversion stupid? Of course. Does the listing need to be spell-checked? Right-o.

I can't figure out your first comment though. It's a few miles (and across a freeway) from Mather Field (ex military base now used for a few cargo and charter flights a day...hardly heavy use), and a good fifteen miles from Folsom Prison (which I live in sight of). Rancho isn't the greatest town in the world, but the neighborhoods that border the river aren't awful.

Would I look at this house? No. Would I look if it was $150,000? Maybe.

Mouse And Pencil said...

"Laminite" is compressed koi. Very trendy!

NoVa Sideliner said...

Nice stump! Does it convey?

Anonymous said...

Looks to be a bargain to me

Sale History
03/18/2005: $308,000
06/11/2004: $271,000


Zestimate™ : 320,615

The Dude said...

Does that overgrown stump (or is it "partially-removed tree?) in the front yard constitute landscaping?

It adds about 10 grand to the property's value.

LOL said...

School District:Folsom Cordova

nice, the school district has the same name as the prison!

wow...just...wow said...

Dang...up until several months ago..I had never heard of Cashcall. All of a sudden now, they are everywhere, on my tv, on ads on webpages....Gary Coleman's shitass eating grin smiling at me while he holds cash in his stubby little hands. Just for kicks, I went to the website and was shocked at the interest rates! I know all the hooplah surrounding Casey's Cashcall loan, but I had thought that 99% interest rate was because he was in default. Apparently not.

Loan Product Interest Rate Annual Percentage Rate Number of Payments Payment Amount
$5,075 Loan 59% 59.95% 84 $254.03
$2,600 Loan 96% 99.25% 42 $216.55
$1,075 Loan 89% 96.78% 42 $83.89


If your loan application is approved, there will be a $75 origination fee imposed in connection with your loan, which will be disclosed to you before you sign your promissory note.

lawnmower man said...

(Is it just me, or is IAFF down?)

Dimes said...

And two hundred to have it "remodeled" into firewood. :-P

LOL said...

IAFF is down for me too

Stephanie J. said...

@Dimes
Come on, paint, some pansies and a water feature will cure it of all ills.

Stephanie J. said...

God, ranch style houses just rub me the wrong way. Ew. About as much character as a Wal-Mart building.

Anonymous said...

Looks like IAFF host is down. I doubt KC took it down and making good on his contract with Galina.

SJ said...

IAFF came up for me.

AnOfferOnlyCaseyWouldRefuse said...

You can take it for what it is worth but IAFF is down, but his host mediatemple is up.

Alabama_Swamp_Donkey said...

Disregard, they are back up

LOL said...

I'd say Casey's mad IT skillz are at work again.

It could be a router or server issue too.

SmellyPogoStick said...

Oh yummy; A 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 1000 ft^2 house built in 1956.

Convert the garage into a 500 ft^2 "bonus room" (but lose your covered parking).

All this for only $280k?

Yeah, that makes sense.

Current owner bought it in March of 2005 for $308,000, financed 80/20 with no down payment. So he is looking at probably a $45k - $55k loss after negotiating a final price and paying commissions.

Previous owner bought it in June of 2004 for $271,000, financed 80/20 with a $500 down payment. She didn't do too bad. Probably made $25k - $30k for holding the property for nine months. I bet she did the "renovation" work, not the current bagholder.

Northern Renter said...

IAFF is up for me.

I just don't know if I am up for IAFF.


NR

Anonymous said...

Opps, still down for me.

Anonymous said...

Looks like he edit the main post to make sure he made over $3000 during his trip not just one or two thousand.

Is it just me but who in thier right mind would give this guy money for a plane trip for doing nothing while making over $3000.

green ache said...

What can anyone do in that postage stamp yard? I get claustrophia just looking at it.

Dimes said...

But Steph, where are the pansies? All I see in that backyard is a milk crate and something that looks like pantyhose in the mulch.
The seller could almost plant pansies in that crack on the back porch slab.

Rob Dawg said...

Now Steph. This time you are dissin' on my turf. The classic California ranch is an awesome bit of architecture. Unfortunately it has been perverted ofver time. The biggest mistakes have been smaller roof overhangs, poor placement, too many windows, reduced thermal mass, abandonment of passive energy features, poor construction, inappropriate locations, smaller lots, zoning restrictions, slab design, material selection and dumb buyers. What you got now, as illustrateed here, is a cookie cutter Levitt house with too small a yard. The Mustang II of the Ford product line. (Sales down 8.1% last moth.)

green ache said...

Oh good lord, the kitchen lights look like a pair of 1980's breasts.

Mouse And Pencil said...

Possible server move to protect his baby?

ratlab said...

This house is less than a 1/2 mile from where a co-worker lives. From the pictures, the house floorplan is the same. 12-18 months ago, his house was appraised for $250-270K, so this sell price is a bit high. And my co-worker also has the garage conversion on his house. Why?!?!?!

Also, this house is not near the prison. If it were, you could tack on an ADDITIONAL $50-70K to the asking price. Sure, the city of Folsom carries the same name as the prison, but it's one of the more expensive areas to live in Sac Valley.

And don't forget, if you buy this house, you're a couple exits away from Salmon Falls and one of the Suprun residences!

walt526 said...

Given the mediocre schools and the bad commute, I wouldn't pay more than $125/sqft. Disregarding the dumbass garage conversion, it's around 1200 sqft. So fair market value is around $150k.

Rob Dawg said...

Anonymous said...
Looks like he edit the main post to make sure he made over $3000 during his trip not just one or two thousand.

Is it just me but who in thier right mind would give this guy money for a plane trip for doing nothing while making over $3000.


Calm down eveyone. Casey posted this. He is lying. Caseymath™ involves some interesting tricks. Maybe the balance said $2579 (snigger) or some such at one point but money for a train ticket isn't "income" except in Caseyworld™.

Trust me, he's just lying. Try this: "Casey what is the balance as of 03 Jul 07? He won't even allow the post through.

Rob Dawg said...

green ache said...
Oh good lord, the kitchen lights look like a pair of 1980's breasts.


Boobies? I missed boobies? Not possible. Oh those thingies. Yes. you are correct. Those are Contractors Discount Warehouse specials. I used several of them in a rental remodel about 12 years ago.

The Dude said...

I think Marty may have run out of cash. The trolls seemed to have quieted down.

Green ache said...

Those are Contractors Discount Warehouse specials.

They're actually more attractive than the ubiquitous ceiling acne the flippers in my neck of woods use.

BelowTheCrowd said...

Dude,

Casey is the one who ran out of cash, or more accurately, ran out of credit he could mooch.

If the contract with Marty is consistent with Marty's other contracts, then Casey was paying all the "upfront costs."

And whether Marty likes it or not, and regardless of how much Marty screams and threatens, Casey can't give him money he doesn't have.

-btc

Alabama_Swamp_Donkey said...

The Dude:

I wouldn't be surprised. I'm sure he is already tired of wasting time on a nonstory and is ready to go back to exploiting strippers again.

Max said...

Some info on that property:

2538 Augibi Way
Rancho Cordova, CA 95670
Total Loss: $29,500 Percent Loss: 9.6%
Asking Price: $278,500
Bedrooms:3 Baths: 2 Sq. feet:1504
Last Listing Date: 2007-04-28

Listing History:
Down 12.7% from $319,000 On 2007-03-24
Down 9.9% from $309,000 On 2007-03-31
Down 7.2% from $299,999 On 2007-04-14

True days on market: 101
# of Times Listed: 1

Previous Sales:
Sold on 2004-06-11 for $271,000
Sold on 2005-03-18 for $308,000

Anonymous said...

@Rob Dawg:

He is lying. Caseymath™ involves some interesting tricks

As the inventor of the term, I should correct you: it's "KCmath®". Can we have a Caseypedia entry for this?

Mocha said...

I love regrouted tile countertops!!!

Akubi said...

Hey Kidz!
The polls are now open. Vote for the 6 Degrees of Casey Serin to Bettie Page Win-Win winner!

Alabama_Swamp_Donkey said...

I wonder if you take all the money that was made when real estate was up, and subtracted that from all the money being lost now that we are down, if it evens out at all?

MexicanMike said...

Just another Rancho Cambodia special!!

This is the type of house Casey was trying to flip. Of course he would buy it for $380K with $40K cashback..then let it go to foreclosure.

I wouldn't have to drop below $175K before any "real" family with "real" income could be able to buy it!

MexicanMike said...

Damn I wish I spelled check my post!!

MexicanMike said...

Again and again!!

lawnmower man said...

friendly anon sez: As the inventor of the term, I should correct you: it's "KCmath®".

So it is.

Can we have a Caseypedia entry for this?

Don't see why not...

Anonymous said...

The trolls are probably back in remedial summer school.

Caseys 15 minutes of fame are almost up.

Rob Dawg said...

Green ache said...
the ubiquitous ceiling acne the flippers in my neck of woods use.


Good one. I'm stealing "Cieling acne" and there's nothing you can do about it. ;-)

Your permission would be nice of course. Truth be told the next step up (larger diameter, frosted glass) is in some of my bedrooms. Fine for flipping the switch to not trip in the dark but in a kitchen?!?

This is classic bubble behavior. The crooked realtor talks all sweetness and goes for the top dollar with no concern for the best interests of his clients. This is why John Lockwood censors comments on his blog. A year ago he was all about $/sf but then the indicator turned down and he stopped talking about it. This lisiting is but one example of where the lower end of the market is headed. In part this blog exists to expose these outdated, questionable and immoral practices.

mejustme said...

Anybody see Casey's new post?

He just regurgitates a sob-story letter from some hapless victim. Whoever wrote it laid it on so thick I gave up after a few paragraphs.

At least Casey admits he doesn't have a clue how to help them.

Ogg the Caveman said...

@ Dimes:

WTH is a "tiled mud room"? An earthen basement with a halfassed floor?

Usually a mud room is not a room made of mud but a room where you take off your boots, so called because it gets muddy. Hence the tile.

In this case, who knows?

The Dude said...

At this point in the game, Casey doesn't have a clue on what to post anymore.

Each post becomes more vapid and boring than the last.

Anonymous said...

re: casey's latest post

wow, could anything ELSE bad happen to this poor homeowner? what a phenomenal run of bad luck/karma/friends/employers/banks/finance
agencies/family.

i would be wondering why so many bad things would happen to me.

or maybe it's all a crock.

Rob Dawg said...

The dawgs are on top of the IAFF mystery. The Marty and "Foreclosure Code" comments are dropping like flies in Modesto but it appears he is having trouble deleteing the top level #247 post from his undisclosed (not California) location. This explains some of the recent IAFF interuptions. You see, should there be a court filing young greasyhead thinks if the posts are pulled in time itsallgood. Not.

lawnmower man said...

undisclosed (not California) location

"(Blogging from Seattle)."

Dimes said...

@ Ogg
Since they converted the garage, do you think the "tiled mud room" might actually refer to the foyer?
The entryway and the back exit look like hardwood (or, um, Laminite) though, and it doesn't seem like it would make sense to trek through the house in order to get to the room where you'd take off muddy shoes, does it?

Alabama_Swamp_Donkey said...

For the record, I can not stand people who would rather find excuse after excuse rather than be held accountable for their own actions and /or situations in life.

I have a certain amount of empathy for those who fall on hard times, but that post on IAFF is nothing but a bitch-fest full of, other people screwed me over, and I did nothing wrong.

That goes for all posts at IAFF.

lawnmower man said...

I wonder what exactly prompted Casey to post that email?

"My loan is owned by Wells Fargo who is known for predatory lending practices"

Oh, I see.

The Dude said...

from his undisclosed (not California) location.

Come on, Dawg. Quit jerking us around.

Mocha said...

I like the regrouted brown tile in my trailer.

Alabama_Swamp_Donkey said...

The Dawg already told us where he was. It was in the subtext...well maybe not text :)

The Dude said...

AnonoTheDude.....please fuck off.

Thanks for your assistance and cooperation.

Anonymous said...

. . . aaah vacay in the PNW?

Murses said...

The medical bills are silly. If you truly were injured do to your employers negligence, wouldn't you have gone to an attorney? Or at the very least, sought the FREE advice of an attorney for an hour?

Also, most hospitals have programs for low income - which is sounds like that letter writer was, since he lost his job and seemed unable to work - where they discount the bill or take the bill away altogether. If he waited until they sent him to collections, he kind of gets what he deserves as far as that particular bill dinging his credit.

Doesn't it seem weird that he'd ask Casey's advice on how to 'fix' this situation? Like Casey can't fix his own FICO score, let alone this poor schmucks.

The Dude said...

What the hell? Did someone hijack my account?

Casey Fannnnn said...

All continues to buzz, I see. Meanwhile:

>>>Vote for the 6 Degrees of Casey Serin to Bettie Page<<<

Did you know that Betty Page, after her nekkid heyday, was an insane stabber of persons? It's true! She was a goddam maniac. She may still be, even though she is now a dotard.

Green ache said...

Your permission would be nice of course.

Rob, I'd be honored.

Oh, I see.

Lawnmower man,

I thought the same thing: another shallow attempt to manipulate.

The Dude said...

Murses,

I call bullshit on the latest IAFF....the whole thing

Murses said...

Mocha, your trailer is trash.

lawnmower man said...

What a sly old dawg: "getting away from all this California madness" and "slipping over the border" indeed.

(In case my comment above was overly cryptic: look at the first line of the new IAFF post, folks. Casey's *told* us where he is.)

Thermonuclear said...

Alabama_Swamp_Donkey @ 12:59 PM:
”...that post on IAFF is nothing but a bitch-fest full of, other people screwed me over, and I did nothing wrong.”

Hmmm, interesting read for ya.

Attempting to conceal assets from Federal Tax, constitutes a crime pursuant to 26 U.S.C. §7201. That is just agreeing with another to do this thing, according to case law, means a felony and HUGE fines ($100k plus). Ouch!!! Now put this little ditty along side the Casery & Marty contract excerpt?

Who does he blame for that, himself? (Marty!!!)

~M~
(Off to see the Wizard!)

Murses said...

@ The Dude

I smell someone trying to get on Casey's phone list...

Mouse And Pencil said...

The little fucker did'nt go home to CA.

Why am I not surprised.

Murses said...

To All Washingtonians:

Let's play Where is Casey! Someone go down to the Market/Waterfront! Quick. You know he is down there.

He'll be watching the fireworks tomorrow for sure. Too bad there will be about 1 million trillion people there...

Anonymous said...

. . . and he is concerned about the post of the book cover?

Anonymous said...

. . . I think the sobber is Mocha. Note the command of deductive reasoning.

Ogg the Caveman said...

If he's really in Seattle, that's within day-trip range of the mountains. Maybe somebody could persuade him that unfiltered mountain stream water is an even more important part of a loosely vegan diet than wheatgrass shots.

lawnmower man said...

@M&P: The little fucker did'nt go home to CA. Why am I not surprised.

Galina: CLOSE THE JOINT ACCOUNT. NOW.

That's how fliptard is funding his jaunts. And with what he pulled on Wells Fargo, he's unlikely to be able to open a new account himself: ChexSystems will see to that.

Anonymous said...

Seattle is on the way back from Australia via the great circle routes (remember those globes in high school geography class?), and in fact is a shorter trip than flying all the way down to SFO. Maybe the only affordable ticket he could get out of Sydney was to Seattle, and he may be cooling his jets there waiting for a connection to Sac. He looks like he would fit right in there -- just needs to buy a flannel shirt at a local thrift store. He's already got the skinny, pale-ass tweaker attitude.

Anonymous said...

...with the July 4 holiday travel, he's likely going to be stuck in Seattle for a few days. Any open seats would probably cost big buck$.