Update:Back by popular demand.
Nigel started this. You get to finish it. Go wild. Oh and if it isn't funny enough to please me I'm going back and posting the picture the google images with safe search off brings up as the number one hit for "ugly pleather." I'm gonna need therapy for that one.
93 comments:
First !! Murst!!
Casey was never first for anything. [Okay, don't go there, save it for another thread.]
Sorry, I don't speak with Casey. This allows me to get the FIRST!!
But the rest of you can have at it - it is pretty funny so far!
Although I have not gotten any firsts or mursts lately, I must claim credit for inspiring this thread. Now back to my multiple personality and guest stars.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that if I had run into him a year ago, I could have become the number one sales agent in the valley as well as become rich. Now I can only hope that the deluded blathering of award winning blogger/brokers will come true and homes will continue to 'fly off the shelves'", SLC Real Estate Agent added.
Without competition from The Dude, firstness means nothing !
Oh geez, a book deal..don't they (publisher, snowflake) realize that someone has to actually care about what happened in order to buy a book....
Honestly WTF?
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he must have gotten his hands on a dastardly secret potion and poured it into that pool, along the lines the that one the Green Goblin drank. Either that or he was bitten by a radioactive Swaby," Spiderman added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that this sweet deal will brewing until the end of time. Of course, I could take his ramblings and put them on toilet paper for the same effect," Book Publisher added.
I don't care which number I am.
Snowflake just posted. He's on his way home after two days of "brainstorming." (Don't know where he found a brain to do this with.)
Anyway - we need a new thread Rob - it's just too good to waste on this Nigel thread.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that I could make a sweet deal with him. I would trade him a trampoline and get the first live webcast of G bouncing in that hot yellow Century 21 jacket all to myself. Win-win," Trampoline Salesman added.
.....I realized we shared the same love for Bette Midler
You just know this $10 "fee" Casey is requesting will become a "monthly" thing.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he was totally screwed. I thought to myself, "I can parade this dipshit out on my show as am example of what not to do and get some laughs". "
Yes, new thread please. Also some fun for instant commenters: what other Google search terms return sweet organic results for IAFF?
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he should be standing where I am and I should be enjoying the delicious semi-vegan yet overpriced but cleverly marketed meal that I delivered to him. He also hosed me on the tip," Macaroni Grill Waiter added.
Casey is absolutely no fun if you can't interact with him. I mean, how long and you watch a dancing monkey on TV? How long can you watch if you are allowed to poke it with a stick?
A book on Snowflake? That's just one of Casey's 'opportunities I can't wrap my head around.
Why would I read (much less publish) a book written by a morally & fiscaly bankrupt, mentally ill, shallow, greedy, lazy, delusional failure of a person who: can't follow through on a single plan of action; take advice; make a good decision at least 30% of the time; tell the difference between hype, reality, dreams and dog$hit; or self correct (i.e., cease the moment and loose the poor speling).
PLUS! It's all there on the internet for free! With built-in reviews.
Snowflake said..."I don’t have enough revenue yet to justify taking long business trips."
Umm...Casey, you don't have enough revenue yet to justify taking ANY trips. Business or personal.
So his book will basically be his website, but on paperback. There's nothing useful or entertaining he can provide. He failed, he committed fraud, he's lazy. I find it amusing that anyone in their right mind would think he has a shot of producing a book.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he was a morally & fiscaly bankrupt, mentally ill, shallow, greedy, lazy, delusional failure of a person who: can't follow through on a single plan of action; take advice; make a good decision at least 30% of the time; tell the difference between hype, reality, dreams and dog$hit; or self correct (i.e., cease the moment and loose the poor speling).
What's the over/under on how long until he says he's too busy mining nuggets to create a book.
I say but mid-June this whole book thing will be "too much work for one person" especially when he has "so many great opportunities."
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that this guy is a true scammer and no way am I going to get this loan approved the right way. I told him to be truthful - wink wink - and we would all come out rich. Hey, it worked out okay for one of us," Mortgage Loan Originator added.
news flash!!!!!
Sercasey's website is down.
I just tried to go to IAFF.com and it said......
Access forbidden!
You don't have permission to access the requested directory. There is either no index document or the directory is read-protected.
If you think this is a server error, please contact the webmaster.
Error 403
www.iamfacingforeclosure.com
Thu May 3 22:41:30 2007
Apache/2.0.54 (Debian GNU/Linux) mod_auth_pgsql/2.0.2b1 PHP/4.3.10-18 mod_ssl/2.0.54 OpenSSL/0.9.7e
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he had the certain something that attracts, like Axe body spray. I knew I might get into trouble but the lure of the kevorka was too great to resist. That blue shirt and hair highlights are really cute too," Swabaroo added.
I don’t have enough revenue yet to justify taking long business trips.
I know. I'd call casey a name, but they have all been used!
Rob Dawg got all bent because of the seat cover thing. Yeah that was a bad decision. But 'flake borrows money to pay the rent, then takes a trip to Tahoe "on the cheap."
He's just trolling and trying to get Haterzzzzz up in arms...And it worked!
As I spoke more with Casey, I began to suspect that he was actually a shape-shifting robot of Liquid Shit, so I pulled and fired at his face with my sawed-off shotgun. Normally when I do this, a large hole appears in the shit head, which slowly fills back up as the head shittily reforms. It freaks everybody out. I never get tired of it. Anyway, this time, the head didn't reform. Oops! Quite the mess. Apparently Casey was just a run-of-the-mill 21st-century shithead, not the robot-from-the-future-kind.
crap almighty. check out his pix. drive to tahoe to spend the whole time indoors. what's the point? seriously. he didn't clear his head(nothing to clear really). he could have done all this back home. I'm guessing now for sure he was booted out at least temporarily by the wife and/or SIL.
who would goto tahoe and not at least go for a hike!? I'd have been riding all freakin day around there.
@ 12:41
Ditto.
How can anyone mess with Snowflake's sweet traffic. Haterz
The more I spoke with Casey the more I realized that he was human manure (but in a good way).
I think he's tinkering with it again -- it was up and down like a yoyo as I posted my last few comments.
He's probably re-authoring his site while he's driving.
LOL. we overloaded casey's website.
it says:
Your website has been suspended!
The web hosting account that hosts this website has been blocked due to server overload!
If you are the owner of this website, please contact the support team to resolve this issue.
If you are a visitor to this website, please access this page later.
@mozatta 12:46
Notice the webmaster link has no email address. Also, notice the time stamp. 12 hours ahead of pacific standard time. I wonder who is hosting this fuck parade
casey's story would make a good movie. turn it into a tarintino movie.
oh, and before you think there is no *plot*, does there really need to be? Look at Pulp Fiction. Lots of *interesting* characters brought together by rather pedestrian circumstances. I think Casey's story qualifies.
bring in Nigel (preening, balding BMW-driving queen in pleather) to help Casey.
savvy chris, and prlinkbiz.
hell, even throw in homeless bob.
galina and yulia too.
possible foils:
1) an inept DA in a clown outfit.
2) a guy in a bob-dawg outfit with a King Friday XIII handpuppet, ranting about the evils of urban planning and mass transit.
3) an unstable woman with a jeep (and a mission to go moses on your ass with her doc martins -- "split the red sea").
I'm trying to post the following at IAFF - but there is something wrong with his server....
So, Casey, if you are reading EN, please reply.
------------------------------
Casey:
Do you have control over editorial content of the book. It sounds as if this is an "as told to" type of authorship where you dictate the information but someone else is writing the story.
As we've all learned over the past few months, you tend to sign contracts without looking them over carefully and knowing the legal ramifications.
Here are a few important questions:
1. Do you have an agent? Or, did you negotiate the sale of your story (i.e. book) with the publisher directly?
2. If you have an agent, what is their percentage?
3. Did you have an attorney review the contract?
4. Who owns the copyright to your story (i.e., book) - you or the publisher.
5. What type of an outline have you prepared and what are your target dates for chapter submissions?
6. Did you recieve and advance? If so, how much and what are your performance requirements?
7. Is this a "one book" deal?
8. What kind of print runs do they expect for your book in hardback?
9. Who owns the paperback rights?
10. Has the publisher asked you for any money upfront? (not a good sign)
11. If the publisher has provided you with an advance, are you running the $$ through the corporation? Or, are you accepting the $$ directly knowing that it will be a 1099 earning at the end of the year.
These are just a few of the many questions I (and many others) have. Please share.
---------------------------------
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realizzled that homey got some sho nuff sizzle in the hizzle. Boy for shizzle knows about some rizzle estizzle and houses too. But for serious yo, dem shiny objizzles be distractin that boy for shizzle. He need some of dat primizzle weedizzle to smoke on," Snoop added.
Casey's falling forward again!!
He wants to monetize the blog.. and then has the blog generate permission denied on viewing the comments for the latest entry.. (No login field or anything).
I wonder how many months rent the trip to Tahoe cost (probably about 1.5)...
Actually, it looks like almost all of the comment pages are permission denied for viewing.. If this is the monetization, I think we are viewing the death of IAFF.
Silly child:
Wants to charge people to view other peoples comments.
Wants people to contribute 'moderation' so he can profit from that effort.
Wants but does not want the Haterz (wants their eyeballs and the page views they bring, but does not like the comments).
I find the comment "I had some good thoughts but didn't get a chance to write and..."
I wonder how much this trip was "Getting out of Dodge until it cools down."?
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that yo, you did your thing dawg. You went for it and you worked it out. Yeaaauuuuh! But seriously dawg, you took a risk and for me, it really didn't work. You've got to do better," Jackson added.
.......
As I spoke to Casey I realized my new windshield was more important than his magic ability to make money "disappear."
I want people to pay to view other peoples' comments too. And I want a pony and a carnival winning blog and...
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized, that first of all, you look great. The outfit, the blue, the khaki, it really works, and the hair, well, it made me tingle. The other stuff, you know, you've got to work a little harder, but I think you'll get there, maybe," Abdul added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized what utter rubbish. Absolutely and totally horrid. An abject waste of time. Probably the worst performance I've seen yet. I'm not trying to be rude but, you really need to take a long look at yourself," Cowell added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that maybe we went to the same hair salon. Or maybe not, because I'm rich and Casey isn't. But he sure is a cutie pie, and I mean that in a totally non-sexual, non gender, happy go lucky kind of way," Seacrest added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that maybe at first I thought, 'That's Hot', but then I thought to myself, maybe that other guy who is the VIP pleather pin guy, maybe that's hot. Or maybe Galina, now that's hot, though not as hot as me. I'm so confused," Hilton added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that this guy is one fucking idiot. That is the only thing I can say. Hey, did you dip your head into a vat of someone's man juice? Your chin looks like a poodle's ass with all the little fur on it. I've seen better cars come out of the compacter. Come poop with me," Triumph added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that there was only one thing to say: How much for you wife? Your women, how much for the women?" Jake added.
" I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD! "
Here are the answers to your questions
1. Do you have an agent? Or, did you negotiate the sale of your story (i.e. book) with the publisher directly?
Agent? You must be kidding. I signed away the rights to my story months ago.
2. If you have an agent, what is their percentage?
I don't know. But I get a $1,500 loan now, and $500 more when I fnifh writing it. Plus I get $3.00 for every book I sell. They have secured me a cart at the local shoppong mall.
3. Did you have an attorney review the contract?
I had PRLINKBIZ review it. She writes a great contract.
4. Who owns the copyright to your story (i.e., book) - you or the publisher.
Ahhhh....It must be me. It's my story, it happened to me, right?
5. What type of an outline have you prepared and what are your target dates for chapter submissions?
Outline? That's detail stuff. I'm the idea guy. I'll get a team together and they will submit to me. Is that the kind of submission you mean?
6. Did you recieve and advance? If so, how much and what are your performance requirements?
I got enough to pay for 1) a new (used) window, 2) a new stereo (can't go to Tahoe without tunes), 3) Back rent and rent advance to Yulia 4) an 'On-the-cheap' trip to Tahoe 5) a diner for two to Macaroni Grill & dessert at Jamba...Sweet.
7. Is this a "one book" deal?
You are trying to get me here! I learned my lesson. They asked for 8 books in 8 months, but I said NO WAY. One at a time....start slow.
8. What kind of print runs do they expect for your book in hardback?
They said thay would use good paper and ink, so I don;t think it will run at all.
9. Who owns the paperback rights?
Too much detail, ADHD kicking in...gotta go.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that this guy has cherubin features. His soft, soft hair and gentle face excited me. I watch him at night, when he's getting ready for bed. If I look in the window at the right angle, I can't see Galina. I really hate his haters. I want to burn their houses down." YneOne added.
"As I spoke with Casey, I was remineded how much he reminds me of me. His drive to succeed, the complete disregard for others, the concept that the only thing that matters is money and status. I made $1.2 billion than went bankrupt. I've now made double that. Casey is effectively bankrupt. If Casey follows his currewnt path, I predict he will owe $672,500,000 by the time he's 59-1/2," Trumb observed.
"As I spoke with Casey, I realized that his life is like a box of chocolates, an' he never knows what he's gonna git. But he's like Bubba, an' he can find his own shrimpin' business if he tries. Bein' an onpreneur n' all," Gump added.
@ 1249
Moscow is PST+12 = GMT+3.
Oh my sweet Lord, the "As I spoke with Casey" posts f*cking brilliant, pants-wetting satire.
Kudos to all!
Good. Damn good stuff. Nearly as good as the limericks & haiku.
IAFF looks really lame compared to EN - but is this book material?
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he is one astute gambler. He told he how he was no longer getting his fix due to being foreclosed on all his properties and how he begged and cajoled and scraped together enough dollars to come here and let it all ride on Black. He even pulled some out of the coffee can and went through his in-laws wallets and purses. Whoops, Red 17. Easy come, easy go," Roulette Dealer added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that speeding may indeed be a gray area. There were a lot of people doing it when I pulled him over, just not going 90 mph in a beat up piece of shit Vdub with a smashed window. He recognized me and proposed we work together on a win-win deal. I am big into real estate marketing myself nowadays," Estrada added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he has perfected the 'semi-vegan loose weight easily until you become gaunt' diet. I was going to ask him 'Have you called Jenny yet?' but then realized he didn't need to," Alley added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that with his IT skills and a little luck, he could have been me or maybe one of those Youtube or Google guys. This young fellow is a whiz at the keyboard and many times doesn't even have to ask for someone to help him with plug-ins and his blog," Gates added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that outside of myself, he is the king of naps in the modern world. The kid has talent and we are a lot alike but he still has a long way to go if he aspires to pass the master," Rumplestiltskin added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that getting that piece of shit Vdub up over 90 mph was an accomplishment in itself. This guy showed some serious driving ability by not ending up in a fiery crash. He has some kind of future in racing," Gordon added.
omygod... i can't breathe, as i spoke with...more I want more.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that a discussion with the scum floating in the pool would have provided a more fulfilling and worthy effort for my time."
"As I spoke more with Casey, it occurred to me that I had perhaps made a colossal error in judgement and that perhaps defending him wasn't the best course of action. In so doing, I had compromised my ethics, reputation and livelihood, to say nothing of my dignity. At first I thought, what the hell? I've got some sweet notoriety. But then as the wheels started falling off, I figured I'd be better served stabbing him in the back and starting to take the Haterz side, in an effort to deflect negativity from myself whilst attracting more traffic than SLC RE."
"As I spoke more with Casey, generations had been born, grown up and died, civilizations had arisen and fallen, Ice ages had come and gone.
The continents had shifted and galaxies undiscovered had collided, drifted apart and collided yet again.
And yet STILL the little fucker hadn't gotten a job.".
"As I spoke with Casey I realized there needs to be a better screening process of foreign individuals applying to become US citizens.
"How in the hell did this guy pass his citizenship exam?
"I also realized, as we continued to talk, that we need to explore the option of revoking citizenship for individuals who purchase 8 houses in 8 months."
As I spoke more with Casey I realised, Heh Heh Heh, that he was possibly borderline bipolar or suffering from some sort of Heh Heh Heh narcissistic disorder. We also talked a while about real estate investing in Springfield and his wife. He told me it was all good. You know, Heh Heh Heh, I don't recall him paying my bill.
Yulina (what every her name is) should just take the "rent advance" and then kick Casey out!
That would surely be a "win-win" situation and a great way of saying "NOW I'M SCREWING YOU LITTLE BIOTCH"!
It would probably make her day too!
nice guys NEVER finish first.
As I spoke more with Casey, I told him to shut the fuck up already.
It's not a murse! It's a man-bag!
As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he reminded me of my
ideal mark; a manipulative little twerp who thought they "knew the
business" better than _I_ did (I am a Mensa realtor after all!!),
an out-of-State noob, clueless of the markup, er, market here, a
3 second attention span, and a willingness to 'make a profit'
without asking any questions or bringing in those asshole lawyers
to scrutinize the deal.
I jumped on that deal faster than it takes me to zip up my jacket
made of rhino foreskins.
As I spoke more with Casey I realised that all his beautiful hair and talk of foreclosures was arousing feelings deep within my "tallyswabber" that I hadn't felt since my first sniff of Axe body spray.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I found the urge to wrap his head in duct tape, strip off his clothes, spray paint his scrawny carcass flourescent orange, and then beat him mercilessly with a pool cue in a public place to the cheers of thousands nearly irresistible."
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that the guy doesn't know anything about baseball, but he sure does know about avoiding those tough questions we both seem to always get asked. He might even have some cool pills," Bonds added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that we both speak a lot in incohent ramblings and most of the time make no sense whatsoever. If he would just let his hair grow a bit more, it could turn into a really cool mess like mine," Richards added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that, Oh My God, I am going to jail before he does and, oh shit, if those idiot FBI guys don't get on the stick, I might spend more time in jail than he does, and for some silly suspended license. I'm a busy person and this little twit did way worse stuff than me. That is so Not Hot!," Paris added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that this guy is even less talented than me, although we both have a certain something. Mine is charisma and an appeal to the teenage girl voters, although I'm not sure what his is yet," added Sanjaya.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he is an irresponsible little ass, and gets away with anything he can with his relatives. I am going to take away his phone and his other electronic thingys. He doesn't have the brains or the decency as a human being. I would call him a rude thoughtless little pig, except that would be insulting to little pigs," Baldwin added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that the reason why his eyes were glazed over and his mouth hanging open was because he wasn't listening to me at all. I asked him what it was he was thinking, and he replied: 'Uh, I phased out you after you said that me and Galina should get jobs.' The kid is a f*cking idiot," the Marriage Counselor added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that I could bail this kid out of his jam with only 2 weeks of my pay. And that's only from this season. It doesn't count all my other millions and millions. Instead of dreaming up get rich quick scams, the kid should have learned how to throw a 100 mph fastball," Clemens added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that this looser probably couldn't even make a decent Big Mac, let alone speak the phrase "Would you like fries with that?" multiple times each day. Our jobs are tougher than opening the mail," Ronald McDonald added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that we are about the same age, yet I am 6'5" and can throw a football 80 yards. In the blink of an eye, I became a multimillionaire. I could help this kid out, after all Oakland is kind of close to Sacramento but why should I? There ain't no 300 pound defensive lineman chasing his ass, although I hear cashcall can get pretty nasty," Russell added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he could just need some adult guidance. I could adopt him and the publicity would be tremendous. It would be a win-win," Madonna added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that he kind of looks like Steve Nash. If we had Casey as our point guard, we may have beaten those looser Golden State Warriors. The NBA pays pretty well too so he could have paid off his debt if he could just dribble the ball," Nowitzki added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that I was smarter than he was. He would never win on our tv show," the Fifth Grader added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that with just a little makeup he could pass for me with a hangover. Then I could spend my 45 day sentence partying and he could make some sweet passive income for laying on a jail bunk all day in a women's prison! Now THAT's hot!", Paris added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that if he is in women's prison for me he can still get conjugal visits from Nigel! Now THAT's h... er... eww!", Paris added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized he was not really Paris Hilton at all. But that's all right, he still gives me all the lovin this 350 pound gal could ever ask for. It's that or he suffocates after I pin him down and sit on his face", Bubbette added.
"As I spoke more with Casey through the prison intercom, I realized that I could write the blog for him! I don't open my mail either and I sign what people tell me to! Now THAT's hot!", Casey's guest blogger added.
"As I spoke more with Casey, I realized that something was wrong. He hadn't been home in weeks, and the rent was paid! He said something about a deal in Paris, then ran out of time on the pay phone. Maybe he'll stay there long enough for his passport to expire. The French deserve him anyway", Casey's Landlady added.
Apologies to the regular "Paris Hilton" poster for stealing your bit, I needed it to tell the story in the last five posts on this thread.
"As I spoke with Casey, I realized we was birds of a feather; and I tol' him that he should just put his fist down and tell everyone that he's he decider, jis like I did. He's a smart boy," President Bush added.
"As I spent more time in Casey's car, I realized that it was an abusive situation and I needed to get out. So often he would run me ragged at 2 AM, all the neighbors could hear us come home! He forced me to do it, always so wired from his so-called business meetings. Thank goodness I met that nice young man with the wire cutters who got me out of there. Oh, if you're in the market for some car audio, come by the Folsom Boulevard flea market Tuesday or Friday", the subwoofers added.
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