Wednesday, June 06, 2007

HeteroLoan.net

Our Promise to the Heterosexual Community:

At HeteroLoan.net, we are dedicated to assisting you in achieving your dream of owning your own home. We pledge to customize the process to meet your individual needs regardless of your past, present, or future economic position. Building long term relationships continues to be our priority by utilizing our expertise to empower the Heterosexual community.

----

What? Is there a problem? I don't see it. These nice people are just engaged in target marketing. Nothing offensive, nothing discriminatory right? Right? Why are you all looking at me like that? All I did was copy the text from GayLoan and replace the word gay with the word hetero. No problem right?

73 comments:

Kerriella said...

First?

Kerriella said...

Whoo Hoo! I finally got another first! Can I claim Murst as well?

Francisco's sister in Brooklyn said...

Loan programs make me MOIST.

aaron said...

murst

aaron said...

Kerriella,
you cannot frame murst as a question ;)

Kerriella said...

awww darn, oh well I won't be greedy. I am just happy with first. :)

I needed a good first to boost me today anyway after the wonderful washing down our garage got this morning when our washing mashine hose burst.

Stephanie J. said...

LOL! HeteroLoan... LOL!!

R-Boy said...

I am so bored that I noticed that her bikini bra is nearly coming off of one of her umm...thingies

1000 a weak said...

Actually I don't see anything offensive or discriminatory. If you were to call GayLoan and ask them for a loan and they turned you down based upon your sexual preference, that would be discriminatory.

And after seeing that picture, it is clear that Keira had a stuffed bodice in Pirates 3. Sigh.

Kerriella said...

Hmmm, I was just checking out their sight. Wonder if they do VA loans? Or if the VA would pitch a fit? If this had come up 2 months ago when hubby and I were buying our home I would have tried to apply there just to see what would happen when we tried to use his VA. Could have been interesting! LOL

Stephanie J. said...

@R-boy
What 'Thingies'?

There's an absence of thingies there. A thingie-void.

That girl could wear a starter bra. In fact, she could probably get enough support from a couple bandaids.

Stephanie J. said...

She does have a stunning body tho.

Anonymous said...

Steph J -

The girls got no curves, not that I like them plump. Not even a waist or rear.

Stephanie J. said...

Her waist is boyish. But she does has a fine tummy.

Rob Dawg said...

Intersting comments under a subject that screams hetero. I want those abs of 10 years ago back. His. She is stunning. This is not a photshopped idealization, this is an unguarded surf moment. I'd have a booger on my cheek or something unmentionable peeking out.

Anybody with objections to Kiera's bosom is clearly unfamiliar with the concept of sustainable development and had best let we professionals handle the matters at hand. [ducks]

FMW said...

Well, Thank goodness the guy has a nice bod, cuz he has a mug only a Mom could luv.

Endgame said...

As Kiera has said about herself, "she has no boobs".

Stephanie J. said...

LOL FMW~

Hey, I can look at women objectively. My friend Lisa has a gorgeous cleavage. I have no problem looking at it, and verbalizing my observation. Does it mean I drink from the fairy cup? No.

As for the 'leaving the matters at hand'... I happen to 'own' a human-bra (being my s/o). He would probably agree.

Anonymous said...

Nah. Nice face, nice abs. But other than that she has no shape.

Anonymous said...

Salma Hayek has a killer shape/bod - this Knightly chick is toooo skinny.

Stephanie J. said...

Salma Hayek is so beautiful, it should be illegal.

Anonymous said...

They have the same figure.

Kerriella said...

Is anyone else as bored as I am today? Obviously some of you are since we are talking about Keira Knightley's boobies. LOL

My boss is out of town and without him here to constantly interrupt me I got all my work done in 1 hour. Now I am bored to death.

What do you do when your bored at work and can't go home?

Anonymous said...

Dream of Salma....

Benoit™ said...

GayLoan's perfect mascot is a plush doll of Casey Serin, wearing a pink shirt and holding a rainbow-colored dollar sign.

Sharky said...

Gayloan?

No problem, as long as they don't discriminate against me because my sex-life partner happens to be female.

A female porpoise, that is...

Anyone know their rates?

Stephanie J. said...

@Karriella
::raises hand:::

Trolls are also excellent things to divert you. I <3 Trolls.

Rob Dawg said...

Salma Hayek? Oh, "The Muse" from Dawgma. IIRC all show, no go as an icon. Me? I shall celebrate the things that make us different and thus less perfect. Excuse me while I do more research...

NoDebtWhatSoEver™ said...

We pledge to customize the process to meet your individual needs regardless of your past, present, or future economic position.

Sounds like an excellent opportunity for Mr. S to cast off the shackles of marriage and come out of the Vdubs err closet.

Sprezzatura said...

Actually, you could make a pretty good argument that the GLBT community does have special needs when it comes to homebuying & mortgages.

The homebuying process tends to assume that a married couple is doing the buying. Since gays cannot legally marry in most of the USA, there are different legal and tax issues to consider for those buyers.

Sharky said...

@ Stephj:

"She does have a stunning body tho."

Naaaah, too stringy, the both of 'em.
They're naught but ambulatory maritime "slim-jims"

You gotta see 'em from MY point of view.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i286/grasshopper0072/fat_lady_bikini.jpg

Now THAT'S a BUFFET!

Food for the whole Shark family

Stephanie J. said...

What's next? PolygamistLoan?

Backed by the LDS?

Sharky said...

BTW;

That stool, if it could talk, would say;

"Get the fuck OFF of me!"

Stephanie J. said...

SHARKY! OMG. What did she use? Two tow-chains and a tablecloth for those bikini bottoms?

Rob Dawg said...

Since gays cannot legally marry in most of the USA

Gosh, where do you get that? Gays have been legally marrying legally in the US for centuries. Perhaps you meant all the laws that said heteros could not marry other heteros or gays of the same gender?

I see a lightbulb.

aaron said...

casey ditches galina and marries pleather.

Stephanie J. said...

@Rob
Casey is the perfect example of that.

Rob Dawg said...

Dammit I was hoping for a discussion of mortgage standards and instead I get mind bleach bikini moments.

My point was that anything except ability for the parties to enter into a reasonable loan agreement is not appropriate. I don't care how many penises (penii?) or puffy bits the prospective applicants sport and lenders should not either.

Sharky said...

@stephj:

"Hey, I can look at women objectively."

So can I...

Were I a human male, and speaking objectively, I'd have to say that she was a "sexual Moon-Bounce"...take off your shoes, climb inside, and have as much fun as you can before your heart gives out.

Just hope no-one with a camera sees you.

Stephanie J. said...

Your point is taken, and agreed with. It all seems inane to me... a marketing ploy to attract a certain kind of buyer.

Sharky said...

Rob:

It would seem that some kind of LLP (Love and Lust Partnership) legal arrangement would work for co-ownership issues.

Perhaps a joint-propietorship.

No, I'm not a lawyer...I'm a shark, damnit!

(try scrubbing your eyes with a wire brush. It doesn't help at all, but it IS fun for us to watch!).

Anonymous said...

Anyone catch the Nigel Swaby reference today in USA Today?

From USA Today. “Buying real estate seemed a no-brainer five years ago. Cheap loans were easy to get. Home prices were soaring. How things have changed.”

“Financial adviser Dave Yeske was featured in (a) 2002 story because he was being barraged with people selling stocks to buy homes.”

“‘The pendulum has swung in the opposite direction, he says now. ‘The clients that sold stocks to buy spec houses in Arizona are telling me they’re under water, can’t rent them and they wish they left all the money in the stock market.’”

“Some real estate investors are sticking with housing, in the belief that the bottom has been formed. Scott Hibner sold his investment properties in Las Vegas and used the proceeds to buy rental properties in Austin, where he thinks the prospects are brighter. He’s planning on holding the properties for five to 10 years and not going ‘for a quick flip.’”

“Others, like Nigel Swaby, a mortgage broker in Salt Lake City, are reluctant stock investors. Fearing the prices on two investment properties he owned in Salt Lake City could decline, he sold them in 2005.”

“Swaby wants to get back into real estate and has been hunting for homes to buy, but feels prices are still too inflated. ‘There aren’t a ton of deals out there,’ he says.”

Sprezzatura said...

It may well be a marketing ploy; I don't know.

But as I pointed out, there ARE some legal and tax implications that may make a difference between when Bob & Jane get a mortgage and when Bob & Joe get one -- differences which have nothing to do with what goes on in the bedroom, but rather that have to do with the different legal standings of the respective couples. In which case, using a professional who has some experience in how to come up with the most tax-advantageous solution for the parties involved is not a bad idea.

Stephanie J. said...

Is there a requirement for marriage? Can an unmarried couple apply?

How can they know? Really? Do they have a questionnaire?

1. Have you (or your partner) ever been, currently are, or plan to be gay?
( )Yes
( )No

*If yes, please discontinue this loan application process.

Sprezzatura said...

The unmarried couple would do better dealing with the professional who had experience in the legal & tax issues for them, too.

Sprezzatura said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Sprezz - how are there differences legally or tax wise when buying a home from a same sex couple rather than a different sex couple?

kndmanz said...

@Kerriella 1:34

I have the exact opposite problem. When my boss is in town, he's such a control freak he does everything himself, and I have nothing to do except answer phones. I am bored to tears all day every day.

Anyway, I usually spend my time surfing the net. Here are some of my faves:

EN (of course)
televisionwithoutpity.com
gofugyourself.com

I also usually have msnbc.com or cnn.com up as well.

Property Flopper said...

Sharky:

> No, I'm not a lawyer...I'm a
> shark, damnit!

Is there a difference? :)

Yes, I know... there are people out there who like sharks.


> (try scrubbing your eyes with a
> wire brush.

With that image, I'm not sure anything would help. Ugh... scarred for life.

I think the description of two tow chains and a tablecloth is pretty accurate.

< shudder >

mejustme said...

One of the builders here has been running commercials targeted toward friends going in on a house together. Their houses have dual masters.

I can't imagine the nightmare when one wants to move.

About 15 years ago, I met a guy who bought a house with his friend, who had his kids there on the weekend. I remember the guy saying, "For once I'd like to do something that doesn't turn into a 'learning experience.'"

lawnmower man said...

@Anonymous 2:10PM: Swaby's USA Today mention was noted in the previous thread.

See also: Swaby throws a tantrum ("this reporter contacted Casey Serin for his input"), M. SINGH spills his coffee ("they can skeletonize a cow in two minutes!").

Sharky said...

Said Award-winning SLC realtor with a Koi,(which are fish), pond:

"One of the things I've tried to do with this blog is point out how the mainstream media often twists facts to create a story."

Yeah, that's true. I've noticed that.

Just the other day he posted this:

"Housing numbers are proving to be challenging for sure. This is no record breaking year, but no collapse either. Meanwhile the equities markets are breaking new records almost everyday."

In other words:

"Come on in! The water's FIIIINE!"

But then some underhanded reporter, who has probably never read a blog in his life, let alone an award-winning one about SLC real estate, picks on poor Swaby out of all the mortgage brokers in the entire country and quotes him:

"There aren't a ton of deals out there," he says. So his money sits in a high-yield savings account, a diversified stock mutual fund and four stocks: Procter & Gamble, Nortel Networks, Revlon and United Airlines. "I want a higher rate of return than a savings account, and stocks are it, until the real estate opportunity presents itself.""

Poor Nigel is incensed and irate, but:

"While my words weren't twisted in the direct quote, my story was"

Certainly the impression I got from the quote, contextualized with the SLC blog's theme, was that Swaby wasn't about to swim in the waters he stood to profit from having others,(and not koi)jump into.

"And this readers, is why I don't like, or trust the mainstream media"

Boy, I can sure see why!

(Toldja this was going to happen , Nigel ole chum!

On one hand is the money...untouchable. on the other are the suckers, like something outta Dickens.

In the middle, getting it from both sides?

You.

Oh, and btw:

"The funniest of all is I also know this reporter contacted Casey Serin for his input. If Mr. Reporter wanted to generate buzz, he should have lead with, "Foreclosed on eight homes, real estate investor turns to penny stocks to get rich."

Wow...didn't take yu long to throw the Hobbit under the bus, huh?

Like he needs the help.)

Sharky said...

mejustme:

"One of the builders here has been running commercials targeted toward friends going in on a house together. Their houses have dual masters."

He's selling duplexes...this is news in your area?

kevinP said...

Hey Rob Dawg are you refinancing?

what kind of rate did gayloan offer you?

MaxedOutMama said...

Marital status and sex are both a prohibited basis for credit under Reg B. Furthermore, "prohibited basis" is defined as being not just of the applicant but associational:
1. Persons associated with applicant. As used in this regulation, prohibited basis
refers not only to characteristics—the race, color, religion, national origin, sex, marital status, or age—of an applicant (or officers of an applicant in the case of a corporation) but also to the characteristics of individuals with whom an applicant is affiliated or with whom the applicant associates. This means, for example, that under the general rule stated in § 202.4(a), a creditor may not discriminate against an applicant because of that person’s personal or business dealings with members of a certain religion, because of the national origin of any persons associated with the extension of credit (such as the tenants
in the apartment complex being financed), or because of the race of other residents in the neighborhood where the property offered as collateral is located.


Discouraging applicants on a prohibited basis is also prohibited by Reg B, so it is very likely that either a het or gay lending service is violating the regulation. I can't see how either would survive a court test.

Sprezzatura said...

One of the builders here has been running commercials targeted toward friends going in on a house together. Their houses have dual masters.

I can't imagine the nightmare when one wants to move.


Which is exactly the point I was trying to make. It's different when an unmarried couple buys a house. Structuring things to takje that into account is a Good Idea(tm).

Stephanie J. said...

@mejustme
I bought my first home with my best friend (who happened to be male).

Needless to say it was a DISASTER.

I ended up having to sell him my 'half' for a 'discount' and get the hell out of there before I ended up murdering him in his sleep. Obviously, we're not friends any more. I've only been able to erase his effect on my credit.

What a nightmare.

Sharky said...

Rob Dawg;

If M-O-M is reading yer blog, you've arrived at a whole new level of quality readership.

congrats!

Anonymous said...

That's Gay.

Casey and Nigel will love working with those folks.

Rob Dawg said...

Longtime fan of M-O-M on Calculated Risk.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh said...

Arghhhhhhhhhhhh. Where are the "astute comments" about the post? The minds of a lot of you have turned into "mush" because of the Casey saga. Her tits? Who gives a fuck? She could be lesbian and still have those tits. Rob, enlighten us. What exactly are you hinting at with this post. Forgive my lack of understanding. The Casey thing has been so distracting, I myself have lost much of my brain matter because of it. I am jonesing for some "deep" debates/discussions here about other stuff. But then again I might go elsewhere. That's a thought. *click*

Sharky said...

Anon:

"Casey and Nigel will love working with those folks"

I don't think so.

Casey doesn't work...period.

And whatever he and Nigel had was over when Casey stopped giving him sweaty manly link-love at IAFF,(about a nanosecond after Snowfake realized he could charge real money for links).

Nigel's kickng the crutch out from under the Hobbit, while he's already gimped from his family "Blog Embargo" is pure Swaby: "Turnabout is Fairplay".

Ah well, they'll always have the Macaroni Grill.

Sac RE Agent said...

Yeah Rob, I knew this 'HeteroLoan' company was a fake from the get go. There was no Hetero flag in your pix.

lawnmower man said...

@Sharky: whatever he and Nigel had was over when Casey stopped giving him sweaty manly link-love at IAFF

A further aside: was it just me that thought that the Nigel/Casey segment on the final talkcast sounded incredibly awkward?

The awful sound quality aside (was Nigel calling in from outer space? on a tin-can and string?) it sounded like they had nothing left to say to each other...

@Anon: not sure Rob's hinting at anything. He's always been a "toss a pebble in the water and watch the ripples" guy.

Sharky said...

lawnmower:

"A further aside: was it just me that thought that the Nigel/Casey segment on the final talkcast sounded incredibly awkward?"

I wouldn't be surprised. I didn't listen to the talkcast.

C-SPAN2 was re-running footage of Canadian Parliament that night, and it was FAR more interesting...

"it sounded like they had nothing left to say to each other..."

Not surprising.

Nigel met "G-MoneyMan", Casey got a Jamba Juice and a spell hob-nobbing with BigShotz.

Casey, (with much prompting), realized what Nigel was.
Nigel confirmed what he already knew Casey was.

cue violins
roll credits
raise house lights.

Rob Dawg said...

not sure Rob's hinting at anything. He's always been a "toss a pebble in the water and watch the ripples" guy.

Ummm no. I usually have motive or intent. In this case for instance I sought to point out a case of reverse discrimination and point out the increasing desperation of brokers in seeking out qualified greater fools.

The truth about the "pebble" is that I am reluctant to try and change the tide nce it shows.

Sharky said...

Oh yeah;

IAFF is back.

MaxedOutMama said...

Sharky wrote:
"If M-O-M is reading yer blog, you've arrived at a whole new level of quality readership.

congrats!"

I suspect this is snark, but snark away, tha's okay...

Seriously, I am a long-time reader. I ran into The Big Dawg a long time ago (in blogging time). I have the dirt on the man.

Here's the low-down dirty truth: He committed a drive-by act of real estate kindness by trying to gently, courteously and tactfully give some excellent advice to a lady who was cruisin' for a bruisin' by walking the market down on a flip. I was very impressed, and I stalked him to his blog. Ever since, I've been a fan.

Rob Dawg said...

Gosh, 'blog years go faster than dawg years. Thanks for the kind words. Curiousity; was that the Ventura income property discussion or some other incident where I slipped and accidental did something humane?

MaxedOutMama said...

Hah!! You admit that there may have been multiple instances....

The Palm Springs fix-n-flip done by the four investors.

Rob Dawg said...

LoL! Are you reading this mornings' Tanta on the Hedgies versus the Bear? My hed hurtz™.

Anyway, yes. Thanks for reminding me. We never did get the wrap post on what she claimed as to any gain/loss on her '06 taxes. Remember she talked about breaking even but wasn't very forthcoming.

The interesting thing is they came away a whole lot smarter, they learned from the experience. Personally I took some small satisfaction in having started out as WTF do you know compared to the combined brainpower of we four pros? And ended up not only being right about everything but predicting each bit months in advance.

As to other actz™ of kindnezz™, no. That must have been some other curr. I'm the alpha hater™ after all. ;-)

MaxedOutMama said...

I figured it out. The minimum loss they each could have taken was over $3000. It was probably more. Anyway, if she had taken even your second round advice, they would have walked away with a nice profit.

I seem to recall that originally you were trying to extend some aid and succor to our young Snowflake; you stand indicted before the court of Haterz as a serial committer of decent acts.

Yeah, I did read Tanta. There are so many legal issues with this that it makes my head swim. For one thing, there's issues with the master servicing agreements, which form a contract with the bondholders. For another, there are shareholder issues relating to the accounting question. I am convinced that the current situation amounts to a lifetime employment guarantee for lawyers in this field.

Rob Dawg said...

M-O-M,

Thanks for doing the math. Jives with my rectal extraction estimate and smells so much sweeter.

I seem to recall that originally you were trying to extend some aid and succor to our young Snowflake; you stand indicted before the court of Haterz as a serial committer of decent acts.

I guess it is true that the internet is forever and no good deed goes unpunished.

The mortgage crisis is being discussed in the top thread CaChing! but don't you just love the kickback around here where you call a thread "HeteroLoan" rather than feel the need to fact check every Reuters and Bloomberg reference?